In high school, I was the type of student who did not have to study and still got a 4.1 GPA. I felt prepared for college and I was confident. During my first few weeks of college, I freaked out. I was overwhelmed with this new change in my life and began to struggle. When you get to college it's the first time that you're on your own and there are so many things you have to juggle at once. People can tell you how to time manage, but they can't do it for you. I was not used being in class all day, then being at practice, then having to do six hours of homework. I missed my friends and family. I would even admit thatI missed high school. I didn't want to admit that I was uneasy about all this change.
As classes came and went, it was time for my first exam I felt ready in my mind. I really didn't study because I was like I paid attention in class. Then I got the grades back and they weren't bad, but I was disappointed. I just thought I would do better. I looked around and I was a little jealous that people got A's. Then with traveling for a sport I missed so many days that when I came back I felt so far behind. Is this what athletes feel like all the time? Or is it just me? In high school, I literally missed around 10 days in one semester and still had a 4.0. Why couldn't I do that now? I put those thoughts behind me and tried to catch up.
I guess the difference from college to high school is the expectations. When I went to class in high school I knew I was going to be taught something, whereas in college I feel like the professor expects me to already know the material by "reading the book" instead of actually teaching us. I knew I could not learn that way. Most of my friends from back home would tell me how they have straights A's and classes are so easy and they party all of the time. I just kept thinking to myself, "I study every night and work hard how am I the only one struggling?"
I was starting to feel embarrassed and ashamed as my grades slipped. They weren't awful and I am passing all of them, but I just have way higher standards for myself. I feel like no one understands. They just tell me to ask for help and I do. I go to tutoring three days a week, and I am still having a hard time. I get the sad comments and look from everyone I would tell, so I just stopped talking about it.
I feel like my GPA is already defining my whole life and it is so stressful. Not only do I have to worry about everything else, but I have to worry about employers looking at my transcript. No one can understand. They look down at me. I am trying and I am not defined by a number. There are those students where college comes easy and then my category where it's a lot harder. I am not alone, but struggling in college is just not talked about. College is harder than I thought and I feel like I should have prepared myself better, but I know I will eventually get the hang of it. I may just have to work at my own pace. My goal is to graduate with honors and I know in my mind I can do this.
