As a college student, I love Chinese food more than anything, so I’ve seen a lot of fortune cookies in my time at college. They always seem to illustrate just what I need to here. Chinese fortune cookies just get us college students.
1. “Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.”
Procrastination should probably be my legal middle name. I procrastinated a lot before college, but NEVER as much as I do right now. 15-page research paper due in three months? Do it the night before. Read 100 pages of Persuasion by next class? Do it at 2:00 in the morning. Huge exam tomorrow? Study an hour after you take the test.
2. “A dream you have will come true.”
…After you pay off your student loans.
3. “Never give up. You're not a failure if you don't give up.”
You can’t fail if you didn’t even do the assignment to begin with.
4. “You can make your own happiness.”
Midnight runs for Chinese food? Yes, please!
5. “It’s amazing how much good you can do if you don’t care who gets the credit.”
So that guy who hasn’t done anything in your project group for the entire semester is cool. It’s totally fine if you do all the work and he pretends he did some of it, who cares who gets the credit anyway?
6. “You will be called in to fulfill a position of high honor and responsibility.”
What do you mean I actually have to wash my own laundry now? How do you even DO THAT?
7. “You cannot become rich except by enriching others.”
Yeah, but when I “enrich” my friends by buying them food because they don’t have money, I suddenly become “un-rich”.
8. “All your fingers can't be of the same length.”
I think I’m tripping out.
9. “There will be a happy romance for you shortly.”
Going to a party, getting hammered, and sleeping with that guy from your accounting class with the beany and a long chin beard, then pretending it didn’t happen for the rest of the semester. Ah, love!
10. “You are a lover of words; One day you will write a book.”
This is just a personal situation honestly. I’m an English major, I want to write a book, I will probably never actually write a book. A girl can dream.
11. “Do not fear what you don't know”
But I didn’t study for this test!
12. “Every day is a new day. But tomorrow is never promised.”
Dear God, please! I have so much to do tomorrow!
13. “Keep it simple. The more you say, the less people remember.”
Except for if you have a minimum word count, then drag that shit out for as long as possible.
14. “A big fortune will descend upon you this year.”
That would be awesome! I have so much debt I will die drowning in my tears.
15. “Change can hurt, but it leads a path to something better.”
It burns, but I guess I can push through for now.
