Mac n' Cheese. Mac and Cheese. Macaroni and Cheese. Mac. Cheesy Mac. The college student's delicacy. Creamy, oozing, mouth-watering. Cheesy goodness fills the void of mom's cooking.
On my fourth Friday here at Berkeley, I put my 21-year-old self to the test and made the most efficient dinner decision as a weekender bum, glued to my bed of Star Wars themed linens, debating my distaste for the final two seasons of the Office: Horizon instant cheesy mac.
If by chance, in your four years away, getting by as an amateur adult, you've come across instant macaroni and cheese, follow this guide of epic failure as a rubric for success.
1. Horizon instant macaroni and cheese awaits its fate: the artificial expansion of noodles.
2. In defiance to the set of rules laid out by the packaging, I've poured the cheese in prematurely.
3.There's always a tool, be it poor or fantastic, to fix all complications of stupidity.
4.Once a direction rebel, always a direction rebel. 
5. If always a direction rebel, prepare for Karma to take charge.
6. I may cook like a seven-year-old at her Easy Bake Oven, but I can clean better than your Guatemalan maid (only slight overestimation on my part).
7. Of course, if at first, you fail, combine the new and the damaged to form instant mac n' cheese on steroids; low-key, we can all agree the tiny packages are insufficient.
8. 2nd date with the microwave.
9. The moment you realize you must be the biggest failure.
A. Yell at self for 30 seconds because you've been making mac n' cheese since the womb.
B. Never give up!
10. Add mysterious yellow cheese powder.
Don't forget to smooth clumps of chemical death before eating powdery chunks that make you question the legitimacy of your life choices.
11. Success!
A. Take four bites.
B. Remind yourself how much you appreciate real, organic matter.
C. Wallow in disgust for another minute.
D. Place in the sink.
E. Leave for proper dish cleaning time, which is approximately the following day by 10p.m.
When all else fails and you're stuck eating exploded, curdled, water-logged, and artificial mac n' cheese, sit back, open up Postmates, and laugh.
Cheers, to all failed chefs and starving college students.
