Over 3.5% of college students are part of the LGBT community in the United States, but only a few are actually open about it. These are a few statistics from the students who participated in the survey, but there are many more who are not contributing to the quantitative data because it is taboo or unacceptable for them to be gay. That is a feeling that I know too well.
I knew I liked girls when I was about nine years old. I remember having some feelings for a girl in my fourth grade class and telling my mom one day after school. When she said that I was too young to understand or to know what was happening, I believed her. I suppressed the feelings for her and for the other girls who came after. It was not until a close friend of mine said that she liked me and I said that I liked her too, that my mother understood—but not quite accepted this for me. After my parents separated, my mother along with my two siblings, moved away and I was left with my somewhat liberal father and excessively conservative grandparents.
The years that followed were filled with many emotions. Some were so powerful that I pushed my own identity and sexuality issues to the side. Perhaps I used their separation as an excuse not to confront myself—and most importantly my father and his family—about my sexuality. Nevertheless, I did so. But, back in school all my close friends knew a side of me that my parents will—hopefully—never know about. It was as if I lived two lives at once and I was not being truthful in either one.
My family saw me as an overachiever who never went out, and my friends saw me as a wild, sex-driven bisexual whose parents were cool for letting her stay out late on weekdays. These two conflicting ideas did not help me understand who I was. To be honest, identity is something that everyone has trouble understanding. At some points I questioned if I was a lesbian and I was using men for convenience, but after a very good one night stand I was 100% sure that I’m not a lesbian. Even though I have not done the usual “coming out” to my parents, my mother knows that I like girls and accepts me regardless of what her family says about it.
My father, on the other hand, has no problem with the LGBT community as long as it’s not his family that’s involved. Oops. I still have a lot to figure out and college has helped me a lot in this process. Being independent, far from home and surrounding yourself with people who are open minded and nonjudgmental will help anyone who is having trouble understanding who they are and learn how to accept whoever they really are.
If you feel like you need any help, contact me or use this website. No one is alone and there is nothing wrong with being gay, lesbian or anything in between.
