Coming to College of Charleston was an incredibly easy decision for me. It was the first big choice I had ever had to make but, somehow, I knew it was where I was meant to go after high school.

I was lucky in that regard. However, now, after three years, as I’m entering senior year, I’m realizing that I’m about to be faced with an entirely new challenge for the first time in my 21 years. I have to decide what to do after college graduation. I never realized how predetermined my life has been, until now. Now, I have one year left here, and that terrifies me. How can I decide where to go and what to do when I don’t think I’m ready to leave?

I go through waves of excitement, almost an adrenaline rush, when I think about my future, because it is exciting that I have no idea where I’ll be a year from now. I could move anywhere in the country, in the world. I could go to grad school, or go right to work, or travel for a bit. Post grad life is going to be my first taste of true adult freedom and, in some ways, I eagerly anticipate it.     

Isn’t ‘adult freedom’ kind of an oxymoron? Am I ready to start paying my bills on my own, deal with car troubles without having my parents bail me out, and adjust to an office job? The little tastes of these realities that I’ve already experienced have shaken me, not going to lie. I’ve always wanted to live an extraordinary life -- be able to travel, inspire, create, and explore. But, now, I worry that that’s too idealistic a dream.    

Sometimes I have moments where I think I might want to stay in Charleston. It’s unbelievably appealing. I could stay with my friends, my sisters, my mentors. I could observe, firsthand, the organizations I’ve worked with continue to build and improve. I could still live with my roommates in my house I’m renting, buy some more permanent furniture. I could still go to my favorite places to eat and for drinks. I could still get to the beach in 15 short minutes! Where else can I find all this? Charleston is home.     

While all this is appealing, it’s also a bit disheartening. Do I really want to stay in Charleston simply because it’s safe and comfortable? It’s the first place in my entire life that I’ve ever been able to proudly call my home, and maybe my desire to stay here is simply fueled by familiarity and fear. After all, I could move back north, and go to school in Manhattan! I could go to grad school in California. I could work for my brand ambassador company in D.C., or HerCampus Headquarters in Boston. I could live an entirely new chapter of my life starting May 2015.

It’s difficult to not be terrified by the thought of doing something so different without the safety net of my friends. The idea of not being able to walk across the hall to see my best friend whenever I want is incredibly hard to imagine. I love being able to walk into any bar on a Friday night and see familiar faces, or walk through campus and recognize at least 30 people. Charleston has the small town feel I’ve always desired, but sometimes I worry it’s become a crutch.     

My last summer as a College of Charleston student is coming to a close and, honestly, I’m just still trying to wrap my head around that. While I’m so very nervous about forging my next path as a post-grad, I’m so happy that I have my words, my writing, and a venue to express myself through this process. I look forward to being able to share the next parts of this adventure with all of you, and I hope you’re willing to be with me along with the way -- through the good, the bad, and the indecision.