Do you ever question if you made the right decisions? Did you go to the right school? Did you pick the major that is best for you? Do you regret not taking certain chances? If you knew how often these questions flow through my mind (particularly right before I go to sleep, just to torment me), you’d probably cry for me.
Being an adult is hard. I didn’t expect to face so many new scenarios in such a short span of time, and I almost immediately faced a slew of regrets once I started facing real-life decisions. In high school, I’d submitted my ACT and SAT scores (unbeknownst to my mom) to New York University, and they actually wanted me to apply. I fit the qualifications. They sent me all the welcome information and encouraged me to fill out the Common Application. I did, and was about to submit it when I decided that I didn’t want to bury myself in thousands upon thousands of dollars of student loan debt. I still sometimes regret not submitting that application, just to have that closure. I also received mail from Stanford and Brown Universities during my senior year, and I wonder what my life would have been if I had applied to all those schools.
I eventually decided that I would go to Utah State. My entire family had attended USU, so it seemed like a requirement that I come here too. It wasn't my first choice, but it seemed like a good call once the idea settled in my brain. So here I am now. I've met many lifelong friends, and I’ve made so many beautiful (albeit sometimes terribly embarrassing) memories. I wouldn’t trade those first few months for anything. But once my class schedule became a bit more specialized, my uncertainties returned.
I loved the Journalism program. I saw myself getting my degree in Public Relations, becoming a specialist, and moving to a big city to start my life. But then I got paranoid. Everyone told me that it’s very difficult to build a career with a journalism degree these days. So what did I do? I consulted my mom. She has a degree in business, and I thought that would be a great place for me to head next. So I began to trek down the path of marketing, which for the first few months absolutely terrified me. It required an entirely new course load and would demand more time, but I'm willing to give it a try because I feel like it will be a good fit. Hopefully.
I sometimes regret staying in Logan. It’s a small town where there isn’t a ton of options. It’s beautiful, yes, and Utah State is an incredible school, but it’s not really where I pictured settling down for four years of my life. It also doesn’t help that most of my friends left and won’t be returning (at least for a while), or will be leaving soon (and never coming back). I’ve thought about transferring more times than I can count. I still look at universities in Maine and New York almost once a week. But I will say this: while I don’t know where my life is heading, I’m glad for the experiences these past few years have offered me. And I will choose to always be open to new possibilities.
