I know I am not alone when I say I am not a complete saint. Yes, I was nice to people to their face and I did and am still doing my share (and then some) of community service. All throughout middle school, high school, and even the beginning of my freshman year of college, I had talked about people behind their back like it was my job. I never initiated conversations with anyone, I let them start one with me. I would look at my phone while people were talking to me. I would barely pay attention when I was in a conversation with someone, especially if “I didn’t like them,” so much to the point where I wouldn’t even remember what they were saying to me. I let other people’s opinions of someone get in the way of my own. Luckily for me, I have learned to fix the majority of these problems. However, looking back, I am so disappointed with myself for letting this happen to me, but that’s not what this is about. This is about now, and how going away to college, on my own for the first time, changed me for the better.

As I mentioned, one of the biggest problems I had in high school was talking about people behind their backs to others. I am not ashamed to admit this, because literally every single person does it, no matter what your gender, race, or social status. I would be nice to someone one second, and then go right behind their back and talk about them the next. This disgusts me to this day. I was so worried about how I looked to other people, rather than how I looked to myself and to those I love and care about.

When I got to college, I wanted to start fresh on the friends factor. I wanted to make true, genuine friends not based off of "hatred" of another person for one of their flaws. There's something about living on your own that makes you feel like an actual adult, and you even start thinking logically like one. EVERYONE has flaws, and who are we to judge and hate them for such flaws? You have to come to terms with not being perfect, and chances are very, very high that you will never be. THAT IS OKAY!!!! Yes, I did talk about people even when I first began college, but I quickly realized I did not want to live my life that way. I am happy to say that I have made wonderful, genuine friends. Sure, we get annoyed with each other once in while, but that's bound to happen when you see each other every waking moment of everyday. We have learned that if we have a problem, there is a 99% chance it will be brought up to them eventually in one way or another, talked about, and fixed. That's how the real world works outside of our little "cliques". You have to learn how to act around people and not get yourself into trouble with things you say, because when you're older it can lose friends, put jobs in jeopardy, and just make you a generally miserable person to be around.

I admit, I'm still working on this, but at least now I have been able to fix the two-faced part of the problem. Being able to admit that I was two-faced at one point is a big step for me. Like I mentioned, I am in no way proud of it, but that is totally not who I am. If I don't like someone, I don't pretend that I do anymore. In my mind it's better than the alternative which is pretending you do. I am thankful for finally being able to say that I like who I am as a person now, and pray that the people I love and care about do too.