I am undeniably a product of evangelical culture. I grew up listening to Christian music, avoiding R-rated movies, ignorant as to what “partying” was, and attending church every time the doors were open. It came as no surprise when I chose to attend a private Christian university. In reality, I wanted to pursue a degree in Church Ministry, so I had to chose a Christian school, but it felt natural nonetheless.

My senior year, I got a lot of advice about navigating college, career, and faith. This is normal, I’m sure; not many church kids make it from the nursery all the way to high school graduation without “falling away,” so the few that do tend to get celebrated.

Among the many encouragements and challenges, I also received a lot of warnings:

“College tends to make people liberal, be careful.”

“Don’t let them make you doubt what you believe.”

“There might be some Calvinists on campus, watch out!”

Okay, so I never actually heard the last one, but I’m sure someone was thinking it. You get the general idea. There’s a fear, especially among conservative church-goers, that college is as dangerous as it is helpful. This fear seems very grounded; a lot of young adults who grew up in church stop attending in college. Some stop professing to be Christians altogether.

So why do so many college students (even at Christian institutions) walk away from their faith roots? Research by the Barna Group suggests that it “arises from the inadequacy of preparing young Christians for life beyond youth group.” Some would say that college presents “real-world” thoughts and experiences that church kids were never taught how to navigate. Being a relatively sheltered, homeschooled church kid, you would think that applies to me too, right?

I’m not sure it’s that simple; that’s definitely not my story. My faith in Christ has grown stronger than ever during my time in college. I can relate to the stories of my peers that leave Christianity, though. The statistics actually don’t surprise me.

College made me (and many of my peers) realize the dark side of evangelicalism. It is white-dominated, male-centric, and radically heteronormative. It often facilitates a militant fear of anything that’s different. Evangelicalism has a nasty habit of worshiping Scripture and ignoring the Spirit. The litmus tests for orthodoxy are often as shallow as rejecting evolution and being pro-life.

So yes, there are days when college has made me cynical. Overall, the future of the Church is exciting - some great things are happening in the global conversation, and entire cultures are discovering Christ. But some days...some days I’m just discouraged and frustrated with the subculture that I grew up in.

So why am I still here? Still majoring in Pastoral Ministry, still regularly attending an evangelical church, still believing in the power of Christ’s Body? Here are some things I picked up in college that have helped me keep my faith instead of running away from it:

1. Doubt is not the opposite of faith.

I can’t emphasize this enough. Have I doubted my faith in these last few years? Constantly. Do I still believe? Definitely. Too often, when people say that millennials are “leaving the faith,” they really mean that millennials are especially prone to doubt. But tested and tried doubt has the power to form some of the strongest convictions.

If Christ is the Answer, why are we so hesitant to ask questions? Coming to terms with my own doubt and learning how to make space for it in my belief system has completely changed the way I approach Christianity. Having the freedom to express my doubts and ask hard questions has kept me holding on when I otherwise would have been too frustrated to take another step.

“I believe; help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24)

2. The Church is made up of people

I grew up with the idea that the Church was about doctrine. The reason we have so many denominations, I thought, was because it is important to worship with people who thought about God in the same way as you. But that's not the story of the Gospel! During Jesus’ ministry on earth, he walked with, ate with, and healed people, some of whom believed VERY divergent things. Yet he called people brother, sister, and friend, not sinner.

People are diverse. This used to scare me, but now it’s one of the most exciting things about the Church. God works through all kinds of people in many different ways. Race, gender, age, class, sexuality, personality - these things can be used to separate. They can also be used to unite.

Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. (1 Corinthians 12:12)

3. Christianity is not a belief system

You can know every doctrine, read every ancient theology, and have the entire Bible memorized and still not be a Christian. Being a Christian is about encountering a Person. It's about “take up your cross and follow me.”

Millennial Christians are moving in droves to churches that are passionate about social justice and sacramental worship. We’re tired of believing all the right things when they don't make a difference. The profundity of Christianity is found in the Incarnation: God with us. The kind of faith I want has hands and feet, flesh and blood, bread and wine.

But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. (James 2:18)

These lessons have kept me coming back to the mystery of Christ, the love of God, the joy of the Spirit. Are there days when I don’t believe? Are there days I’m tempted to run away? Of course. If there’s ever a day when God ceases to be God, I will give it all up. Until then, I’ll keep seeking, keep asking questions, and keep coming back to the feet of the One who makes all things new.