I'm The College Kid Whose Parents Are Divorcing

Growing up I never saw my parents show any real affection towards each other... there was never any kissing or hugging in my house. It was commonplace for my parents to end up arguing about something, on the off chance that they were even home at the same time. We never had formal sit-down family dinners. Sitting in front of a TV was easier, because we could rely on someone else to do the talking.

My mom called me this past summer (after I moved out of the house) and told me the news. I had always thought to myself that it would happen at some point... but when it became a real-life scenario it definitely took me by surprise.

I was afraid to tell my parents about the way the divorce was affecting me, so I ignored the situation and pretended like nothing was happening... I learned this from my parents. I am an over-thinker, a planner, a worrier... I learned this from my mother. I have a proven track record of reacting to stressful situations in very inappropriate ways. I learned this from my father.

I will never question whether or not my parents love me, because I know that they do. However, part of me wishes that this happened when I was younger, because maybe then I wouldn't be so fucked up now.

I think I will always be pessimistic about love and relationships since I didn't grow up in a house where this was properly demonstrated. I don't know what a functional couple looks like, so I don't easily feel comfortable in intimate situations.

I now have a bad habit of holding things in, and letting things that bother me fester until I get to the point where I explode. Over the years I have let far to many things bring me down, and I have spent to much time feeling depressed.

I have become so concerned with not being overly "sensitive" or expressing to many feelings, that I have developed a wall around me to keep others out. I have a hard time opening up to people, and ultimately just end up pushing them away.

Obviously my parent's divorce is affecting me currently. However, it was the family situation that I grew up in that has taught me to respond the way I have. I am a college kid whose parents are divorcing... but their marriage fucked me up a long time ago.

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