Children of Divorce: It Is All My Fault
Start writing a post
Relationships

Children of Divorce: It Is All My Fault

Children Blame Themselves For Their Parent's Divorce

614
Children of Divorce: It Is All My Fault
cdn.thefederalist.com

We love our parents and we can't stand the idea that they are fighting. The constant yelling in the kitchen, the threats you hear your mom yell across the house threatening to kick kick your father out and the sight you see of your mothering crying in the bathroom is frightening. As a five-year-old or an eleven-year old you don't know what to think. You want your parents to be happy and you don't really know the cause of their fighting. You just know that they are mad and this isn't good. Maybe it is your fault that they are fighting; maybe it is your fault that they can't live a happily ever after and they are going to divorce very soon. As a parent or even a child post divorce, it is important to be aware that children of all ages may feel they are to blame for their parents' divorce. And in a child's head, blaming themself for the parent's divorce seems like the logical solution. The following piece will make you aware of the child's tendency to blame themself and it will serve the purpose as a reminder that the divorce is not the child's fault.


There is psychological research that tries to prove that many children feel that they are at fault for their parent's separation.

In psychology, we have noticed this trend in preschoolers. According to Roseby and Johnston (1998),"Preschoolers are prone to self-blame. Their magical egocentric thinking at this age leads them to believe that their behavior directly caused the divorce, much as they perceive that the world revolves around them in all other matters. They often display heightened sexual and erotic play, which can cause concern of sexual molestation by one of the parents. Although a possibility in disrupted families, investigations have not revealed any increased incidence of sexual abuse."

And if a preschooler already has a tendency to think they are at fault, going through a divorce is not going to better their psychiatric state.

There is other research done on children of divorce and self-blame.

There has even been other psychological data collected on children who face blame post divorce. We see in another study called "Aqualitative study of children's perspectives of their parents' divorce" by Sutton-Brown and Jane Elinor (1998), that children have a tendency to blame themselves for divorce even for children from 6-14 years. Although this study was only conducted on 10 children who participated in a six month psychoeducational workshop in San Diego on divorce and coping with it, the children from this study still reported feelings of blame and abandonment. While it isn't necessarily a representative sample of all children feeling blame post divorce, this research still proves a point that divorce can have a negative impact on youth.

But as a child of divorce, you have to look at these experiences positively.

As children and throughout our lives, we are taught to look at every experience with a positive spin. We learn that just because our parents' divorce, that doesn't mean we can't achieve knowledge from these experiences. This experience of a divorce doesn't mean we can't find happiness and cope with bad feelings from the divorce when we have them.

Remember, you aren't the only child whose parents have gone through a divorce.

There are many children like you. No matter how old you are, it is okay to feel upset. It is okay to not know what answer is right and wrong when it comes to your parents.

You may still have to go to court with your parents.

And this doesn't mean your parents are mad at you. This doesn't mean they want to put you on the spot either. All this means is that they are trying to make your life better for you, whether it is having enough money to feed you or having the ability to see you more.

Just know you aren't to blame for their divorce.

The reason why you are going to court with them is not because they are mad at you. They are mad at each other. By going to court, you have the right to speak to a third party about how you feel so that you can seek the proper attention you need. But remember, it is not your fault your parents are divorcing.



Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Ready or not, here come the holidays, friends, and if you're as obsessed with the spirit of the season as I am, you are much more ready than not. Thanks to Hallmark Channel's Monopoly game making it possible to celebrate all year long, you can be ready now, too!

Keep Reading... Show less
Stephanie Tango

The pandemic has been in our world for more than half of 2020 and people are still acting stupid. If anything, they're getting stupider. They think that the virus is gone. It's not. Stop going to frat parties. Stop trying to go places without a mask. I wish things were normal, too. They're not.

Keep Reading... Show less
Kai Parlett

In the summer of 2017, 20 type 1 diabetics completed a 10-week 4,000+ mile bike ride from New York to California. They biked against the advice of doctors, family, and friends. Many were skeptical that people with diabetes could complete such a physically challenging trip without putting themselves in danger due to their disease.

Keep Reading... Show less

That's right, you heard that correctly: Demi Lovato and Max Ehrich called off their engagement after the couple originally announced their engagement in July after beginning to date in March.

Keep Reading... Show less
Swoon

Demi Lovato's Called-Off Engagement Reminds Us Of The Importance Of Taking Our Time In Relationships

While this may be another hardship she sadly has to endure, I know she will find a way to inspire and help others through it.

9316

I am heartbroken.

Keep Reading... Show less

We all love a good ol' sappy Christmas movie and this year, the Hallmark Channel is finally giving us what we want: diversity.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Seasonal Depression Is Real And It Deserves Our Attention

Check in on your friends throughout the winter season, it can be brutal.

2029

As we transition seasons and enter the last few months of the year, some are feeling grand about this natural shift. But that doesn't mean everyone is thrilled that the weather is cooling down — it's important to extend your knowledge to the phenomenon that is seasonal depression.

The lack of sunlight during the later seasons of the year, beginning with autumn, triggers a state of depression for about 15% of the population. This results in the lack of serotonin provided by the sun, causing it to be hard for some to do a lot of the things that would normally be deemed simple tasks to do during the earlier times in the year like getting out of bed, showering, going to work/school, etc. A major difference is an intense need for sleep similar to a hibernation effect.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

September Is Suicide Awareness Month, But Mental H​ealth Is An Everyday Discussion

Mental illnesses deserve our attention 365 days a year.

2665

September is Suicide Awareness Month, providing an opportunity to raise awareness, further educate yourself, and remember the reality that mental illnesses present. Yet it's critical to understand that suicide awareness is not an annual Instagram hashtag to use and forget. Actively advocating for mental health resources, progress in education, and a broken stigma is an everyday ask — an activity that we can each participate in.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments