Let me guess, there's been tearful goodbyes and hugs that squeeze you 'til you barely breathe right? Your mother starts convincing herself to be calm because she'll be seeing you on holidays, which, really, are only six weeks away right? And then you're off, to embrace another year away from home where you can explore a different city and grow as a person, which generally means learning that ramen noodles are NOT adequate substance and showers do NOT clean themselves (aside: when you start thinking of the mold spots as an audience for your shower singing, it's time to bring out the yellow gloves). Mothers find a way to visit early though with logic like "I was just in the area" even though you counter with"But mom, we live out of state" and you can be sure the first thing they do is clean your entire dorm room for you, no matter how old you are.
After dropping off my brother for his first year in college and hearing my mother's mantra of I will not cry, I will not cry as we drove away, it kind of hit me. As thoughts like these tend to do. My family is entering into another epoch in our lifetime. A time where us kids aren't going to be waking up under the same roof, family road trips are getting less and less (the car ride to college move-in day aka our last long drive together is seen in the cover), and yes, the day we've all dreaded - the time of packed lunches is over. And perhaps it's because it's such a big change it makes it hard to let go and see the benefits of the new phase we're entering. We had that normalcy for about 18 years and even when I moved out, I knew that at least he was back home with the parents, as it's always been. But now he's making the same leap I did. And yeah, it's a little jarring to think about.
He'd forgotten his command strips, we'd realized that as we reached the edge of campus. We'd already said goodbyes, albeit, they were a little rushed as my father thought we just needed to let him breathe. So even though we knew it was a simple thing, a $2 charge he could've easily bought at the student store, there was an eagerness to return them to him, perhaps to see him one last time. And I watched in the car as my mom stood there, alone, pacing just a bit outside his new yet foreign dorm building with a hopeful look on her face as she waited to see her baby walk out the elevator. She was holding those command strips tight. And when he walked out with his new suitemates to meet her, she gave him the strips, almost thinking about walking away without another hug so as not to embarrass him. But when he opened his arms just the slightest she rushed into them, squeezing him, holding him close, and then a few, quick, last-chance mini hugs until she was forced to walk away with a smile.
It's a scary thing, saying goodbye.
And as we got on the freeway to drive back home, I realized with a twist in my gut that my brother and I aren't going to be staying up 'til 1 am bingeing on "Bachelor in Paradise" and laughing at how ridiculously stupid the people are (yes we watch the show together and it's incredible, fight me). And even though a part of me wishes we'll Skype when it's on, I know he'll be with friends getting something to eat downtown who will never know he's ever seen anything reality that has to do with flowers and love (unless they read this, whoops). Or maybe my little brother will be partying and learn his lesson that no, partying on a weekday isn't exactly the best idea he's had. And though this change is different and new, it's something that should be celebrated. I'm going to be a junior in college. AKA I've made it halfway through and just know, all you wide-eyed freshman out there, that while you're seeing us upperclassmen as wise all-knowing sages all we're really thinking of is if being halfway through our college life means we can qualify for a mid-life crisis.
I kid, I kid.
We're the lucky ones. We get to go to college and have this amazing opportunity (because thinking about the amount of people who can only dream of getting here, yeah, this is a helluva opportunity) and immerse ourselves in an environment of learning. You're throwing popcorn at me now and calling me a nerd, but after college all there is is work! And at this phase in our lives we're getting to be independent, make crazy great or crazy stupid decisions, find out what we like, what we don't, and enjoy this time where our responsibility is still a little lower than a full-fledged adult. And yes, although the family unit may be dispersed across the state, the country, or even overseas, you'll always get the chance to be reunited again.
And hey, there's always the post-graduate phase mom and dad.
Pretty sure the broke college kid thing doesn't change over night, so....
Keep my room for me, yeah? You haven't gotten rid of your sleeps-in-til-noon daughter yet.
