If you grew up in the 90s/00s, you most likely watched at least one episode of "Spongebob Squarepants." You're also most likely familiar with Squidward Tentacles, Spongebob's crabby and talentless neighbor who not only hates his job at The Krusty Krab but also fantasizes about becoming a famous clarinet player.
Now that I'm well adjusted to the college life, I've come to realize a few things: I'm perpetually tired from everything that I have going on, professors and fellow students annoy me, and I'm super sarcastic. In conclusion, I am Squidward Tentacles when it comes to the art of college.
Don't believe me? Here's cold, hard, solid proof of the many parallels that Squidward and I share:
When it's syllabus week and I'm feeling ambitious
Time to kick some serious ass and get all A's!
But then the mid-semester and end of semester blues kick in and I'm finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate each day
"You're halfway there, kiddo. You got this," I say to myself each day.
The thought of going to (certain) classes makes me indescribably ill
The thought of being grilled on readings and topics from a previous class and listening to a professor ramble on in a monotone voice for over an hour gives me a headache.
When I get to my class bright and early but then the professor doesn't even bother to show up
Seriously, though. An email or a note posted on the door would have been nice. Especially if it's an 8 a.m. class.
When the professor revises the syllabus and makes an assignment due sooner than originally planned
I had a professor that cancelled class four times in a row and as a result she had to revise the syllabus five different times. Like Squidward, my eye was twitching when I received the fourth consecutive email about class being cancelled.
Whenever I think I do well on a test, my final grade ends up being a D or lower
Ah, yes. Cue the ugly snot crying and phone calls to my parents complaining about how it's the professor's fault because they don't know how to teach. (C'mon, we've all done that at least once or twice in our college careers.)
As well as vice versa... whenever I think I do horrible on a test, my final grade ends up being a B or higher
Cheers to getting a high grade on a test about something irrelevant to my career path that I didn't read about and will probably forget about in the near future!
My face when I finish a paper
Yep, bloodshot eyes and everything.
I completely B.S. my way through said papers and essays.
I'm really good at doing this, thus why I am an English major. "And so, I am about to argue a point about a thing that I didn't pay attention to in class because I was daydreaming about an irrelevant topic. So let's begin..." After fabricating a few pages, using fancy vocabulary words and somehow finding sources for my arguments I manage to pull an A out of my behind.
I eat. A LOT.
Ok, I had a big appetite before I started college, but since entering I am constantly eating on the go and not exactly making the best food choices, like Squidward when he ate all of those Krabby Patties. (Chipotle is my personal vice.) Plus I eat at weird times due to my crazy schedule.
When my friends complain about all the work they have to do since they put it off until last minute
No, I do not feel sorry for you. You're the one who put off that six page paper until the weekend before it was due. Don't come crying to me that you can't have a life on Saturday night now.
When I can't go out because of the copious amount of work I have yet to get done
Screw you, professors! Ruining my Friday night over here.
When people ask me how my semester is going
My bloodshot eyes, resting b*tch face, and groggy sounding voice should explain it well enough.
Finals week
By the time finals week rolls around (especially in the spring semester) I can feel myself deflating from over exhaustion and lack of motivation to finish out the semester with a bang. Sadly, I know I must not give up until my finals are completely done.
When I party on a Friday night after a stressful week
A little wild partying never hurt anyone, right?
The morning after said partying
Sadly I know that feeling all too well. Your best bet is to not bother me, not to talk to me, and don't ask me any damn questions and leave me to my misery of a raging headache and fatigue after a rough night. Just like how Squidward doesn't want Spongebob or Patrick to bother him.
And then by the end of the semester...
I have been defeated.
In the middle of the summer when I'm bored, have nothing to do, and actually want to go back to school...
I miss my friends. And being nagged by professors.
