It seems like I started seeing girls’ countdowns for move-in day since senior year of high school began. After acceptance letters and the emphasis on all the “lasts” at high school and home, the beginning of college is looked forward to like nothing else. Months are spent designing Pinterest college boards, weeks are spent stalking your college’s website, days are spent fantasizing about roommates and parties, and hours are spent coming up with the perfect graduation day “can’t wait for the next chapter in my life!” Instagram caption.

I feel like people spend such a huge bulk of pre-college time looking forward to their next four years, and they do this often with very high expectations in tow. After all, it's hard not to when it seems like every other tweet on your TL is a fancy senior portrait featuring a college shirt, a hand sign, and a countdown. But what happens when you actually get there, after you say goodbye to your family, unpack your boxes, and finally begin the “best four years of your life?”

Quite frankly, the beginning of college sucks. I’m lucky enough to attend one of the most prestigious universities in the world. I am so blessed to be able to attend this school, but in my first three weeks here I’ve wanted to hop on a plane multiple times a day. This isn’t necessarily out of homesickness, and it isn’t necessarily because of readings and homework, but its because of the feelings I get when I look around at my roommates, at my classmates, at everyone. It feels like everyone already has a friend group established. It feels like everyone is having a Snapchattable amount of fun at all hours. It feels like in the short amount of time we’ve been here, everyone is already, well, happy.

However, I know I have to remind myself that when I look around, there’s much more than meets the eye. The transition to college is rough for everyone, no matter how fun and amazing social media makes it seem. You could never tell by looking at him, but the outgoing kid in your Psych lecture may spend every second of the day wondering if he truly belongs here. You could never tell by their obnoxiously long Snapchat story, but your best friend from home who had the “BEST NIGHT EVER!!!!” at a frat party last night spent the entire time bored, scrolling through her phone, and disgusted by sweat, vomit, and pushy guys (Seriously though, do people actually have fun at frat parties?) Although it's hard to remind yourself, looking through social media or looking at people around you is not an accurate way to assess how someone’s life is going, and comparing your life to the highlight reel you see on someone else’s Instagram does nothing good for you or your mental health. For every bid day picture and themed party selfie you see, you’re not seeing the stress and tears those people may be experiencing.

The college experience we all spend so much time fantasizing about doesn’t have to be YOUR college experience, and the fact that people don’t emphasize this enough is literally costing lives. Take for example UPenn freshmen Madison Holleran. The runner for the school’s track team had a loving family and amazing group of high school friends. However, things were different for her once she arrived to college. Besides the stress of school and workouts, she felt like her college life wasn’t happening the way it was supposed to be happening. Looking through her Instagram feed, she saw her friends at other schools appearing like they were having the time of their lives and wondering why she didn’t feel the same. At the beginning of her spring semester, Madison ended her life.

In the conversations I’ve had with my roommates and people at home, I’ve realized that so many people carry the same insecurity that Madison did. Social media is fun, but when used as a tool to compare, it can become life alternating in so many negative ways.

While I’m not necessarily happy right now, I don’t know yet what these next four years have in store for me. They may be the best, they may be the worst, or they may be somewhere in between. However, I know one thing is for sure: I’m going to try my best to avoid comparing my college life to other’s college lives, and I sincerely hope you all try to avoid this too. Take social media with a grain of salt and remember, its okay to have moments in life that even the best filter would not make them Instagram worthy. Your happiness will come someday soon.