Is it because finals have a heart that is three times too small?

Or maybe it's just my professors don't care about my well-being at all.

With study guides I don't have answers to and eight-page papers I have no motivation to write.

It feels like finals are ruining my life out of spite.

The laundry list of things due is leaving me anything but bored.

But hopefully, after it's all over, the holidays will be restored.

But seriously, I've always loved this time of year. Even when I was a freshman, it didn't seem like finals were out to destroy me and everything I've ever worked for. I took my exams, didn't think much of it, and then I went home with all my energy focused on celebration.

Now, one or two tests could ruin my entire GPA and it's really killed my vibe. December is more than Christmas time for a struggling college kid like me and finals shredded me of all my Christmas spirit. Even after they're over, I don't think I'll get it back.

I'm lucky I let the joys of the holidays take me over back in October because now there is no time to be jolly. Everyone thought I was crazy when I started blasting Mariah Carrey the day after Halloween as I decorated my apartment. I watched all my favorite bad Hallmark movies before Thanksgiving, and I even exchanged some gifts. Now any time I try to enjoy festivities I feel like it gets in the way of my work. But it was all fun while it lasted.

It isn't just that I don't have time to celebrate, I just don't have it in me anymore to try. Christmas used to mean things would be easier and life would feel somehow better overall. But now? Christmas music doesn't sound as good as it used to, I know fuzzy socks and hot chocolate aren't going to fix any of my problems, and I feel like a Scrooge.

I know it's nothing new and finals are standard procedure, I just wish they didn't bring with them so much anxiety and that they didn't require all my energy.

Finals being the week before Christmas makes them an automatic top priority and that honestly sucks when you're Cindy Lou Who.