Going into my freshman year of college, I was terrified. I was excited in the sense that I would finally be living in the city, a dream of mine for as long as I can remember, and would have more freedoms than at home, yet the idea of being an hour away from my mom, not knowing anyone on campus, and not being great at making new friends felt like torture rather than an adventure.

I tried to amp myself up by reminding myself that I was going to get the full “college experience” by living in the dorms. Everyone I had talked to about my going off to college had told me that I was about to have the best year of my life.

They were wrong.

I would categorize that year as one of the worst. I had never been lonelier. The people around me were already comfortable by the first week in, but I couldn’t stand the distance from home. I tried to distract myself by doing all of the things that everyone else was doing. I tagged along to parties, stayed up all night goofing around, and explored the city with friends.

I did my best to make believe that I was enjoying myself as much as everyone around me. These things were fun, but they weren’t enough to take the place of that phone call home.

Because I had been told for so long that the “college experience” was about partying and becoming your own person, I felt obligated to follow in everyone else’s footsteps. All of my friends were having the time of their lives and weren’t talking to their parents almost at all. I did my best to do the same. It seemed embarrassing that I had to be “that girl,” that couldn’t go a day without checking in with Mom.

I continued to follow the crowd throughout all of first semester, but, unsurprisingly, my homesick, depressed state did not get better.

Looking back on it now, I realize how ridiculous it was for me to attempt to talk to the people I love less because everyone else was doing it. My parents and I have always had a very close relationship, and I consider them to be my best friends. Why should I force myself to not speak to them as often as I wanted in an attempt to be like everyone else?

Finally, after coming home for winter break, I realized that there is no set “college experience.” Your time as a college student is 100 percent what you make it. If you choose to just follow the crowd and do what everyone else is doing, you’re likely not going to be as happy as if you were taking part in the things that you truly enjoy.

For me, that was coming home often and talking to my parents almost every day. Once I started allowing myself to do the things that made me happy, life got better. Who would’ve guessed?

For me, it was communicating with my parents, but it could be literally anything else. If you would rather go out and meet people at campus events instead of a house party, that’s totally fine. If you don’t get along with your roommates, you’re not required to be best friends. It is not a problem if watching Netflix alone in your dorm is all you want to do. Whatever makes you happy is all that’s necessary. The real “college experience” is whatever you want it to be.