So, when I was four years old, I had things figured out pretty well for my life. I mean, it was easy, right? Chocolate milk in the fridge? Check. Stuffed animals on the bed? Check. Laundry list of all the pre-school girls that I knew at the time that I could possibly see myself marrying one day? Freaking check that one off the list, cuz I had that down. I can still remember most of them to this day--there was Colleen, there was Reneé, there was Lauren, there was Heidi--oh yeah, this is the obligatory moment in the article where we all figuratively pause and imagine the death-glare that my fiancé is giving me as I write this.

It's ok, honey. They never really meant anything to me. It couldn't have lasted. Now, all of this is to say that no matter how much we plan or think we have things well in hand, the courses of our lives have this really funny little habit of getting away from us--and I'm not talking about "getting away from us" like a dropped pencil or a misplaced TV remote, I'm talking about "getting away from us" like a nanny chasing after a toddler who has heard the ice cream truck across the park. I'm very sorry, ma'am, but I'm afraid it's too late. That half-pint has heard the siren song of many more half-pints of rocky road and mint chip.

So obviously, life gets away from us--it takes turns and develops in ways that we never expected, tests us and tries us in new and increasingly inventive, painful ways at times. And part of being an adult is learning how to adapt with those changes and not be overwhelmed by them. The same is true for anyone who attempts a relationship with Christ. Just like how I, as it would turn out, did not marry a single one of those girls that I knew in pre-school, my Christian life and relationship with God in general has changed almost entirely from when I began college to where I am now.

Now, I don't want to paint a picture of myself as being a wee innocent lamb when I was a college freshman. On the contrary, despite my disarming good looks and boyish charm, I would turn out to be a bit of a bad influence on a few of the friends that I would make. But one thing that was true of 18 year-old college freshman me was that I was far more naïve in my concept of what a mature, realistic, functioning relationship with Christ actually looked like. Just to give you an idea, back then, I actually liked my college’s chapel services. I looked forward to going.

The first chapel I ever attended on campus was on a Tuesday morning, at 10am, like always. I woke up at 8am--by choice. I wanted to wake up then so that I had plenty of time to make my bed, take a shower, dress nicely for chapel, and go to breakfast, so that I could focus properly on the sermon with plenty of rest and a full stomach. So yeah, you can place your bets on how long that practice lasted.

To top it off? I sat in the front row, of the front section. Just try to picture 18 year-old me in a nice-ish button-down with a mild Jewfro that was still floppy and damp from my shower, craning my neck into a C curve trying to read the worship lyrics off the projector 30 feet right over my head.

As you can imagine, it wouldn't take long for me to migrate to seats further back in the auditorium, give up breakfast altogether in favor of more sleep, and stop being quite so nervous about whether or not I looked good enough. I adapted to what college life required of me on a regular basis. The same is true about the reality of my day-to-day Christian life as an adult. For me, part of that reality is accepting that there are going to be times when I do not pray nearly as much as I should, even though now is the time in my life when I should be praying more than ever. I'm not saying that this is ok or right for a Christian to do, but I am saying that when it does happen, we earnestly repent and we move on, improving our habits and behavior, because praise Jesus, God's grace exists for a reason. One of the hardest strengths that I've developed in the past four years while growing as a Christian is the grit that it takes to continually live a Christian life.

Following Christ was never meant to be any kind of an easy, graced, or charismatic lifestyle, and anyone who says differently is not only selling something, but is quite possibly deluded. One of my quotes on this topic comes from Star Trek: Voyager: "It's easy to be a saint in paradise." It's easy to talk about how we should act in difficult times when those difficult times are purely hypothetical, when we're young Christians still at home with our parents, when we've never actually had our mettle tested by real, everyday life--living in paradise. Acting in the same way under the conditions of the tough times, stress, and temptations that we encounter even at a Christian college is a different process entirely. That process is far from clean or straightforward, either. It’s messy as hell, actually—but it is possible, and it is so worth fighting for. So strike out on your own with Christ’s help. Find that balance in your own adult life, and never be afraid to make the necessary mistakes to do it because God’s forgiveness is unending. If there is one truth that has kept my faith in God strong, it is that.

Psalm 118:8—It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man.