An Open Letter To The Boy I'll Never Get Closure With

There is no "the end," no riding off into the sunset, no happily ever after. There is no definite closing of the book, and I'm having a hard time accepting that. I'm the kind of person that desires a mutually peaceful ending to a relationship. I'm terrified of someone that used to think highly of me creating an image in their head of me as someone associated with bad memories or bad feelings. To start, I want you to know that whenever you came into my life, I believe it was the right time and place. Things fall into place and happen for a specific purpose, and that includes what we had. I learned things about life, love, and loss from you. I'm grateful for the things you taught me, whether they were lessons that hurt or pleasant surprises; in some way or another, it all made me better.

Even though life moves fast and people change, the memories we have all remain frozen in time for me. I remember you as you were during your highest highs, not your lowest lows. I hope you remember me the same way. I know you had to see something good in me, and I hope that spark of goodness has grown in me and made me a better version of the girl you used to know. I saw a light in you that convinced me nothing in this world could stop you; I believed in you more than you ever knew. I still believe in you and want you to succeed in whatever you work towards in your life because your happiness will always mean something to me.

The worst part about not having closure is the unknown--we never got to read the epilogue of the story or hear that last note of the song. How can we have peace in knowing there are alternate endings for us floating around somewhere that will never be known? I'm sad that we could never see what could have been. There are days when I miss who I was when I was with you; when I miss what we had. It's hard to say what I think would have been, but then again, what does it matter now? We can't focus on the what-ifs and the if only's. If we think in terms of that, the reality of what we had will fade and feel like another uncharted territory. I never want our relationship to feel like a past life or a faint remembrance.

So, although we may never feel peace in knowing our ending was platonic, I hope you understand my feelings. I will always wish you the best in everything you pursue. I will be cheering you on from afar. I hope I made the same impact on your life that you made on mine, I hope you remember me as a girl you loved and admired, and that your life is somehow better now for knowing me.