October 11th, 2016 is National Coming Out Day.
October 11th, 2016 helped me face my "mental closet."
On October 11th, 2016, I "officially" came out of the closet.
Here's my story.
Dear Closet,
Today is not just another Tuesday in the month of October in the year 2016; today is National Coming Out Day. Today I stand up and I say to you:
My closet is for clothes -- not me.
With the suicide rates being higher than ever, nobody should ever feel trapped or alone. For a long time, I felt trapped and alone. I was trapped in my own "mental closet." Today, I escape my "mental closet" and I tell the world who I truly am.
Let me take you on an adventure, an adventure into my personal life.
We start in October of 2013, my sophomore year of high school. I can't tell you the exact day in October, but I can tell you I never want to go back to that day ever again.
There a was a young, 15-year-old boy who was in his own "mental closet." I got into a fight that afternoon with my parents over some "research" I had been doing on the internet involving my sexual preference.
That fight was my breaking point.
At that very moment, I told myself it was time for it all to end. I told myself that day would be the day I would end my life.
Nobody understood what I was going through. I grew up in a very Christian household. I just wanted to end my life because in my mind that is what was going to make me happy. So there I was in the doorway of my home getting ready to leave -- forever.
I had a plan. I was going to walk from my neighborhood to the highway and walk directly into the traffic.
I acted upon this plan with full intentions to die. I walked out of my house and down the road and onto the sidewalk that led to the highway. At this point, my mother had called the police to stop me but I was not a force to be reckoned with. With 30 feet to go before I would reach my final destination, a blockade of police had come with guns drawn and tackled me to the ground to stop me from reaching the highway.
After I was put into handcuffs for my own safety, I was transported to the MUSC Institute of Psychiatry where I made a decision that has haunted me ever since.
I sat down in a conference room with a nurse and they ask me the question that would change my life forever.
With what sexual orientation do you identify?
In confidence, I answered that I was gay. I knew I was gay. Nobody else knew I was gay. That's when the nurse wrote it down on the paper, and I about lost it. I told her I was not "out," nor was I ready to come out, and that she would need to remove that from the sheet. She proceeded to cover it up with pen, but for me, it turned out that was not good enough to cover it up.
As my stay was coming to an end, it was time for my family discharge plan meeting. That's when I met the woman who would change my life in a way that nobody should ever have to endure. Dr. Shoemaker was her name. A name I will never forget.
Dr. Shoemaker came to get me for my family meeting. She stopped me before going back to her office to meet my parents to tell me something I will never forget. Those exact words will be engraved in my brain forever.
"Percy, I've already told your parents that you are gay, and unless you come in my office and tell them, you won't be able to leave."
I walked into her office in tears and my parents were sitting there. Dr. Shoemaker told them that I have something to tell them. I said that I didn't, and she began to remind me that if I didn't comply, I wouldn't be allowed to leave.
At that moment, I felt a whole new level of broken. I was being forced to come out of the closet to my parents just to have freedom. With tears in my eyes, I told them and ran out of the office.
That day I was forced to come out on terms that were not my own.
I was not ready to come out yet. I knew the day would certainly come, but I wanted to do it on my own terms, on my own time.
It was not until now, October 11, 2016, that I realized I never "officially" came out to my family, my friends, and the world. Today I am able to realize that it is okay to be gay.
Today, I face my "mental closet" and say with a raging force, MY CLOSET IS FOR CLOTHES -- NOT ME.
Today I am able to tell the world I am gay, I am gay, I am very, very gay!
So closet, thank you. Thank you for housing me for so long and helping me realize it's okay to leave you.
Warm regards,
Percy
So, it's official. I'm out of the closet. I wish you all the best of luck. The purpose of this article was to help spread awareness and to show it's okay to come out of the closet. If I can come out on a worldwide platform, you can come out too.
On your own terms, of course.
