Does this ever happen to you? You've gone on a couple of dates with someone who makes your ears hot and your eyes light up. You've settled into a nice, lovey-dovey little routine. You get along great and enjoy a lot of the same things. You have similar goals and you want similar things out of your lives. Then, out of nowhere, the panic sets in. You start asking yourself, "Am I dating a time-traveling clone of myself?" It's not a comfy situation, so I'm here with some tips on how to know once and for all whether or not you're dating a time-traveling clone of yourself.
1. He never asks you how you're feeling.
He remembers feeling exactly the same feelings that you're feeling at this very minute because he is you.
2. He's not interested in politics or the latest season of "The Voice."
He already knows who won and the reason why he came back from the future to date himself isn't to stop the maniacal rampage of the latest president-elect or soon-to-be-has-been singing champion.
3. He never looks in the mirror.
He can just look at you and guesstimate how he must look because you are the same person.
4. Whenever you want to go exploring, he'd rather sit around and feel nostalgic.
He has seen it all and he knows that all life will one day fade away.5. He gets anxious when you talk about wanting a future together.
He knows that if he keeps dating you, he'll have to leave you for a younger version of you when he travels to the past one day.
6. He doesn't like to watch horror movies with you.
He has seen both of your futures and nothing could possibly compare to such a horrific scene.
7. He never listens to you.
He has already seen, felt, heard, and experienced everything that you have ever experienced. If he cares about what you're going to say, he'll just remember it. If not, it matters not to his time-traveling clone mind.
8. He doesn't touch you.
It would disrupt the space-time continuum if you two ever came into contact, causing a rupture in reality and the destruction of all that you both hold dear.
9. He doesn't want to meet your mother.
Mothers always know when their children are in danger of dating time-traveling clones of themselves from the future.
10. He always orders for you in restaurants.
I wonder how he knows exactly how well you like your steaks cooked and what kind of salad dressing makes you feel the least obese? Maybe it's because he is you from the future.
11. He wears your clothes, uses your toothbrush, and people mistake him for you.
Some people are really grossed-out that you're so obviously dating a time-traveling clone of yourself, but you aren't really sure whether they're angry about that or the fact that you hold hands in public.
12. He ends your relationship by telling you that he's actually a time-traveling clone of yourself from the future.
At least he didn't use the line, "It's not you, it's me." That would be redundant.
