Clinton Found To Have Connection With Lizard People
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

Clinton Found To Have Connection With Lizard People

In yet another scandal, Secretary Clinton has been found to have close ties with mysterious Lizard People.

998
Clinton Found To Have Connection With Lizard People
FoamyShowme

In a shocking turn of events, the upcoming election has been thrown into anarchy. In an effort to slander the democratic party nominee, a recent search through the leaked emails has sparked yet another scandal. In an election that seems to be demarcated by scandal after scandal, news continues to grow less and less relevant to politics in any form.

After reviewing many of the leaked emails, a local tinfoil-hat enthusiast who has chosen to remain unnamed discovered something shocking. He has found that Clinton most likely has been working with Lizard People from the very start. When questioned about how he has arrived at this conclusion, the local adjusted his tinfoil and had this to say:

"I don't know how we didn't see it before. It was all so obvious, really. By compiling the fourth letter of every sixth email, beginning with the most recent ones, I was able to find a cryptic, single sentence."

Scrawled on the back of a used pizza box, the lunatic* had scrawled "HLLRY CLNTN PLS LZRD." We suspect this co-operation must have arisen due to the Lizard People's wishes for the future of this country. For whatever reason, their endorsement lies with Hillary rather than well-known hot-gas-ballon Donald Trump.

This should come as little surprise to anyone who has followed Clinton's politics. She famously advised pro-lizard on many lizard-based bills during her time as Secretary of State. Many have conjectured that husband and scandal-enthusiast Bill Clinton was also in with the Lizard People while he served as president.

When questioned about this, Trump stated:

"I know all about Lizard People. *sniff* I love Lizard People, just like I love all people. *sniff* In fact, I'm the best at dealing with Lizard People. *sniff* You know it, I know it, everybody knows it. *sniff* I've even dated some Lizard People in the past *disturbing laughter*."

While many are discomforted by the inclusion of Lizard People in this election, many others believe it is of little importance. A local mother of four had this to say:

"The Lizard People have ruled this country from the start, it makes little difference who they endorse."

Others disagree, saying that the Lizard People do not represent true American values. When asked what theses values were, no answer was given. However, many rude gestures were provided in lieu of an actual response.

At this time, Hillary has responded to none of our emails about this matter, and when she was approached, our field reporter had his tinfoil-hat knocked to the ground by security and thrown out of the complex.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Pexels

As the holiday season draws nearer, many of us find ourselves drawn to the same old Rankin-Bass Christmas specials and the perennial favorite, "A Charlie Brown Christmas." However, I would like to suggest an overlooked alternative, "Arthur's Perfect Christmas." It is a heartfelt, funny, and surprisingly inclusive Christmas special that deserves more recognition.

Keep Reading... Show less
Reclaim Your Weekends From The 'Sunday Scaries' With 'Self-Love Sundays' Instead
Olivia DeLucia

Laid back and taking it easy — sometimes that is the motto we all need after a busy week. Sunday scaries? Yes, they are valid – but you know what else is? A Sunday full of self-love. A lazy Sunday spent doing what you feel needs to be done to ease into the next week. Self-Love Sundays are a guilty pleasure that isn't only essential for our mind, and body, but are also a surprisingly proactive way to devote the upcoming week with a clear mindset.

So, what is a more suitable way to dedicate your week's end than a beautifully, connected playlist to accompany your face masks and journaling? Cheers, to a Self-Love Sunday (and a playlist intertwined with it to match). (Please note: "Sunday Morning" isn't included in this list, due to the obvious, but feel free to blast it anyway, we know you want to).

Keep Reading... Show less
Sunset Girl

The sun rose and peeked through the sheer curtains. Rose’s alarm shrieked. The loud bells caused her phone to jump on the side table. It was time for her to get ready for church. Blindly reaching for her phone, she shut the alarm off and pulled at the covers providing her a cocoon of warmth and tossed them to the side. She swept her bare feet across the bed to touch the cool wooden floor.

Rose softly tiptoed to the corner of the bedroom to grab her clothes dangling on the arm of the bedroom chair. Scooping all of the items of her chosen outfit, she headed to the bathroom hoping that she wouldn’t drop anything.

Round, piercing blue eyes stared back at her in the bathroom mirror. Rose fingered the wrinkles forming around her eyes. So many of them bore signs of laughter and smiling. Slowly dropping her hands, she couldn’t remember the last time she laughed in her home with Tom. Shaking her head as if to erase the negative thoughts, she reached for her makeup bag and went through her regular routine.

Applying her favorite deep rose lipstick, Rose headed downstairs to make her coffee and bagel to take with her to church. The smell of dark-roast coffee swirled in the air as Rose sliced her cinnamon raisin bagel. Hearing the Keurig sputter with the fresh brew, Rose found the interruption of the stillness comforting. The toaster signaled that her bagel was done with a soft pop. It had a delicious golden brown color. Placing the bagel on the counter, she generously spread honey nut flavored cream cheese across both halves. Gathering her bible, notebook, and pens from the side table on the porch she stuffed them into her purse. Purse hanging on her right shoulder she juggled her coffee and bagel in both of her hands as she headed to the garage.

Keep Reading... Show less
Environment

This Holiday Season, Choose To Be Eco-friendly And Reduce Pollution

Many of us have old magazines lying around, fully read and not of much use anymore. However, we can use their bright colors and prints as a stylish and trendy wrapping paper!

1173
Presents

It can be overwhelming to see the detrimental effects of climate change and pollution on the news, from animals dying and forest fires spreading, but there are smaller changes that we can all make to reduce our carbon footprint, and it begins with our gifting season.

On average, Americans throw 25% more trash between Thanksgiving and New Years, which translates to 25 million tons of garbage. That's 1 million extra tons per week.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

This Feeling Hurts

A Poem on Love

2847
Ronny Salerno

This feeling hurts. I must declare

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments