So if I take hairspray, and spray it in my apartment - which is all sealed - you're telling me that affects the ozone? I say no way, folks.

Actually yes, Mr. Trump, that's exactly what we're saying.

Donald Trump did not take organic chemistry in college. I, on the other hand, did. So let's break this down.

Mr. Trump, if you're reading this, you're welcome. Consider this knowledge my inaugural gift, as it cost me thousands in tuition, and a handful of 3 a.m. meltdowns to grasp.

Organic Chemistry Does Not Have a Political Agenda

Hairspray contains Chlorofluorocarbons (CFCs) - a group of chemicals made up of chlorine, fluorine, and and you guessed it, carbon. When these compounds are released into the air (yes, molecules DO fit under doors and through air vents) they slowly make their way up into the atmosphere. That's that thing that encircles the planet and hosts the ozone layer, by the way. The Ozone, whose molecules are made up of three oxygen molecules, is our friend. It filters UV radiation, and keeps us from burning to a crisp. Those UV rays, they come from the sun.

Alone, CFCs are mostly harmless. But unfortunately for all life on the planet, UV rays break down CFCs, releasing the individual carbon and chlorine components. These chlorine molecules destroy the ozone molecules (because of a complex chemical reaction - just trust me on this one).

Confused? Think of it this way: CFC is the playground bully, chlorine is the baseball bat, and ozone is the nerdy kid with glasses.

Once the ozone is destroyed, you get those pesky holes that let UV rays waltz right in, undeterred. As they come from the sun (a giant ball of fiery gasses), they're often hot, and can be known to warm things. Don't believe me? Ask Trump - he's the best at utilizing them.

Excessive Greenhouse Emissions

They didn't get there on their own

While the CFCs keep burning through the ozone, greenhouse gasses plug up the holes from the inside. The UV can get in, but the resulting heat is not getting out.

Most prevalent greenhouse gasses, many of which are emitted from burning fossil fuels, coal (carbon), running cars and other oil-powered machines.

In naturally occurring amounts, these are good. They keep in necessary warmth, and ensure we don't all die from hypothermia. But what happens when you add 7 billion people, all of their cars, factories, a very corrupt and active fossil fuel industry, burning coal, and a ridiculous number of cows?

A lot of greenhouse gasses in the atmosphere that were never supposed to be there, and a lot of heat that has no way of getting out (cue Maroon 5's "It's getting hot in here").

Do Try This at Home, Kids

There's no better way to truly understand a concept, than to try it out at home. So to clarify my next point, I welcome you to conduct your own scientific experiment. Take a blow dryer, and direct it at block of ice floating in a bucket of water. See the ice melting? That's the direct effect of directing heat at frozen water (yay, science!). See the water level rising?

That's because ice is less dense than water, so it floats on the surface. When it melts, you end up getting more water in that same container, because what used to fill air space is now mixing right into the bucket.

The same principle applies to the planet. UV enters through man-made holes in the ozone layer, resulting heat is trapped by man-made greenhouse gasses, things get really hot, ice melts, water levels rise. And don't forget the subsequent dead animals, increase in volatile weather patterns, decrease in farmable land because of hotter and dryer climates, massive droughts, increase in tropical disease, decrease in breathable air (and other offensive, liberal jargon).

But ultimately, it's not actually all that complicated, and you don't need to understand chemical interactions to believe the 97% scientist that do. This should not be a political discussion. For something that's so bipartisan (i.e. survival of the human race, and life on the planet as we know it), it appears to be one of the most divisive issues on the table.

But what do I know - I'm just a crazy liberal with a wild political agenda and a nasty vendetta against the hairspray industry.