The Importance Of A Clean Breakup

Cutting Ties With Your Ex Is Everything You Need To Get Through This Breakup

It's not about their feelings. It's about your healing.

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The hardest part of a break-up is the change in your routine. It's letting go of the countless hours you have spent making someone a part of your life and having to find someone new to share your day with and watch your favorite shows with.

Breakups can get so blurry along the way and you desperately want to keep in touch and still have them in your life. It's hard to find that balance though. It's hard to find the role that ex-boyfriend/girlfriend should play and how much of a presence they should really have in your life.

We've all been there. I have SO been there. I have had messy breakups where we quit speaking and I have had quiet, peaceful breakups where neither of us could really figure out what to do next. Either way, whether it's a peaceful one, or heart wrenching and mean, the best thing to do for yourself is to not look back.

You have to make it a clean break. If only for a year, but you have to do it. No texts, no calls, no emails. No social media. Avoid Instagram, no Snapchat, no Facebook. You have to turn off the desire to check on them because you're only going to hurt yourself.

So give yourself some time. Delete them from your friends list, not to be mean, but to spare yourself. You probably need to temporarily block them too, if you're someone who will still look up their page.

This is about YOUR healing. It's not about their feelings. It's about taking care of yourself and giving your heart the room to heal, and the best way to do that is to put them in your rearview and keep moving forward, and the BEST way to do that is to cut off all contact. I have had different breakups for different reasons and the ones I always healed from faster were the ones where I couldn't see them or speak to them.

With my last breakup, my ex didn't have social media at all.

He had no Facebook or Instagram to stalk and I was forever grateful for that fact. There was absolutely nothing for me to see. No page to pull up and stare at. No images of him and a new girl in my face. No what-ifs playing in my mind as he goes on about his life. It's as if his life stopped for me completely.

I have no idea what he's doing now, and I am OK with that. I NEED to be OK with that.

You cannot expect your heart to heal if you're constantly feeding it jagged edges of once was. You can't keep cutting yourself over and over again and expect the wounds to heal.

So darling, please, with this breakup, put it all away. Give it some time. Maybe you will truly be friends later on. But not today. Definitely not today. Give yourself some room to breathe and remember that you WILL come out on top.

You always do. You always, always do.

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Why You Should Stop Chasing Him

You deserve better.
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They say “the thrill of the chase" makes someone more enticing. There's just something about wanting something you can't have that drives you crazy (in a good way). There is never a dull moment. Pursuing him is a challenge. Nothing comes easily. What's the fun in that anyway?

I'm going to tell you this: stop chasing him. Stop forgiving him when he forgets to answer your text messages and phone calls. Stop being the one to always make plans. Stop letting him bail on you. Stop waiting around for him. Stop being lied to. Stop making excuses when he doesn't make time for you. There is a difference between someone who is “hard to get" and a flat out jerk who doesn't give you the time of day. Stop letting him use you.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you fall asleep every night in the middle of texting him because neither of you want the conversation to end. You deserve someone who plans dates for the two of you. You deserve someone who asks you to hang out before midnight. You deserve someone who wants to spend time with you just as much as you do with them. You deserve someone who insists on paying for your ice cream. You deserve someone who won't deceive you. You deserve someone who is straightforward. You deserve attention. You deserve affection. You deserve a partnership that is mutual, not one-sided. You deserve to be chased.

You are better than 3 a.m. “Hey" texts. You are better than a night spent watching a movie just to fool around. You are better than trying to decode his vague messages. You are better than his shadiness. You are better than mind games. You are better than being ignored.

If you have to chase him, he's not worth it. Don't settle for someone who makes you beg for his attention. If he is genuinely interested in getting to know you, he will put in the effort. A relationship where your feelings are reciprocated is far more rewarding than one where you constantly feel like you have to drag him along.

Change your mentality. Become more independent. Be confident, be bold. Find happiness in being alone. Don't waste your time pathetically chasing after someone who doesn't feel the same, but doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell you so. Your self-confidence and positivity will make you radiant, and eventually, you will attract the kind of guy who is mature enough to not mess with your head.

Cover Image Credit: weheartit.com

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To The Boy I Fell In Then Out Of Love With, A Final Message

I want people to understand it is VERY possible to fall in love with the wrong person.

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It wasn't right.

And as much as it pains me to come to this realization, it's also liberating.

I fell in love with you. But I fell in love with the wrong person.

I'm sorry for trying to change you. I'm sorry for trying to reconstruct who you are as a person. But, because I now see these red flags and understand the emotional exhaustion we caused each other, I know now it can't work. I had too much hope in the potential — the what could have been. The impossible. I envisioned the ideal, picturesque relationship with you. I thought that if you changed the things I wanted you to change, everything would be fine. I couldn't force you to do that, though. I couldn't keep forcing anything.

There are so many beautiful things about you I will cherish forever.

I see so much good in you that a lot of people couldn't. Our relationship was special and strong in certain ways. You were the first person I ever really fell for. And for that, I will hold a place in my heart for you that will never, ever leave, no matter who comes into my life.

You are irreplaceable.

That being said, it's important to also note where things went wrong. Where things just couldn't be fixed. Where tireless effort just wasn't worth it anymore.

Love isn't supposed to be easy, but it also shouldn't be nearly as difficult as we made it out to be. I'm sorry we couldn't love each other. Maybe in another time or another life, it will be different. But it won't work now.

To the boy I fell in love with, I loved you, but I can't be with you.

I want people to understand it is VERY possible to fall in love with the wrong person. Red flags can pervade, but you will push them under the table because you don't want them to be true. I want people to realize you can still find so much good in a person and fall for a person for so many different reasons, but they STILL aren't right for you. All of this is real and valid and NEEDS to get addressed. If not, you will find yourself in an endless, toxic cycle of hurt and heartache.

Below, I've attached an article written by Kristine Fellizar entitled "20-Easy-To-Miss Signs You're In Love With The Wrong Person." I would make a list myself, but I feel like her list explicates this topic well, and I related to many of the ideas embedded in her piece.

Don't look at your past relationships as a mistake. Learn and grow from one another. Find that person that shouldn't have to change anything for you. You deserve a love that is wholesome and worth it.

You can be happy. Love someone for them. No more molding. No more wishful thinking. Just loving.

Easy, simple loving.

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