You know what I hated so much during middle school and high school? Three things: looking at a syllabus and seeing participation as a component of the overall grade, seeing “Needs to participate more in class” as one of the comments on my progress report, and then the talks I got from my parents on how to participate more in class.

I never used to talk much in middle school and high school; I never felt the need to. I would always keep to myself and only say what I needed to say when I needed to say it. I never saw my “quietness” as a problem; it was just who I was. Frankly speaking, I do not learn by talking and listening. I learn by doing. No matter how I much I would say in class and how much somebody talked to me, I would not learn unless I was actually doing the thing they were saying. That’s why I liked math; it was more doing, less talking.

But, for some reason, teachers in my school thought I had a problem because I did not talk much. Kids thought I had a problem because I did not talk much. My logic was, if you don’t have anything important to say, don’t say anything. And, don’t tell me that I should stop thinking that what I have to say is not important because yes, there are such things as stupid questions. Furthermore, I am someone who likes to observe and listen to what others have to say before I make any conclusions or form an opinion. The main reason is, I want to examine and determine the situation I am in, the kind of people I am talking to, their personality, and how they react to certain things before I say something. I don’t want to say something and have somebody be offended or throw counter arguments that I could have avoided if I had waited and let them say all they had to say. Sure, it was always annoying that when I was finally ready to say my thing, when I had everything figured out and I was ready to surprise everyone, the conversations would end.

I always hated it when the teacher would decided that, 15 minutes into the conversation, it was a perfect time to call on the people who haven’t spoken yet and the quietest one would always be picked first. I was never ready. Do you know how horrible it felt when I was caught off guard and not ready to say something, so I had to come up with something that did not make any sense, causing the teacher to believe that I was not paying attention? That was the worst, and I hated looking stupid like that. I hated it so much that I developed a very huge anxiety whenever I heard “discussion,” “participation,” or “group.”

Math, again, was my savior. Participation was based on how prepared you were when you came to class, class problems and how engaged (not verbally) you were in class. The way I worked best in math class was how I worked in other classes, but this always overlooked. That no matter how much I was silently participating, whether through evaluating what was being said over and over in my head, questioning things people were saying, answering the questions they raised, throwing out an argument, or accepting defeat once a counter argument was thrown, I was not participating because I did not feel the need to do all of this outside my head. Sometimes I felt like these teachers did not want me to do well.

I love debates. I never lose. I don’t speak, but I always show if I disagree or agree with my eyes, through nodding, smirking, shaking my head, agreeing, or shrugging my shoulders and pouting as I respond to my thoughts and what others are saying. I am glad that in college when I was scared because I was not participating in a class that was heavily centered around discussion and debates, when I went to explain to my teacher why I am not doing so, she said it was fine because she could tell that I am listening and engaged throughout the class. Why can’t middle and high schools recognize this? Why can't they recognize that not everyone learns by opening their mouths? Some of us like to stay inside our heads and solve out questions or conflicts that way. Some of us do not feel the need to talk because sometimes, we do not have anything to say. Some of us learn by taking in things one at a time and listening to things as they come. Some of us do not like listening to our parents lecture us on how to participate in class every three month, because you think that there's something wrong with us just because we don’t talk in class.

I hated feeling unaccomplished, feeling like a failure and feeling less smart than other students because I did not talk as much. I also hated the nights I spent reading over everything two or three times so I could come up with one useful thing to say in class so I did not ruin that perfect honor roll. The bottom line is, there’s nothing wrong with being quiet; there’s nothing wrong with sometimes feeling like not talking; there’s nothing wrong with other people being more talkative than you. There’s something wrong with a school system that will fail a child for being introverted, a school designed to have the extroverts succeed easily and cause nights or torments and regret for the introverts.