When I was a young child, I would gag at the fairy-tale, romance epilogues I saw around me. I promised myself I would NOT be one of those girls. Not the romance aspect necessarily (yet I am sure I found that pretty gross too)- but the way women would sacrifice themselves in these unhealthy, dramatic ways. Movies like Cinderella creeped me out.
Seven year old me was incapable of considering much beyond the idea that I simply did not like Cinderella's character & plot line.
As I got older, I realized why I did not like Cinderella in a more mature way:
I did not understand why she endured the abuse of her step sisters and mother. I did not understand why she didn't get up and leave... working hard and receiving nothing but pain....offering her generous heart in return for humiliation.. She received false hope that she would finally be worthy enough for love, over and over and OVER again.
I failed to realize abuse convinces sad, dark things. The victim learns to believe they deserve the abuse endured. A victim of manipulation and abuse is often unable to get away on their own.
"The problem was she wanted love so badly she could't tell it wasn't love..." (Leo Christoper)
As I got older, I realized Cinderella & I had a little more in common than I had hoped.
When you love someone, it is easy to sometimes believe love means sacrificing everything you have. When you are in the moment, it doesn't feel so bad.
When you love someone, it means you try harder... because the previous efforts were not good enough.
When you love someone, you choose the love - even if it's painful.
Loving someone means guilt. It means manipulation. It means hurt and sadness.
Who would consciously admit these things?
I too endured abuse. I took it all. I blamed myself....
I was a Cinderella. I became the fairy-tale princess who never inspired me... who I hated growing up. I stayed there.. right in the abuse. I thought I deserved all of it.
You unconsciously learn to be mean to yourself.... to be loved by those who won't set you free, but will chain you down when you crave to fly the most.
Dear Cinderella,
I write you this love letter.
I hope you let your mind and body heal. Understand the pain you endured was out of your control... and that it does not define you.
Abuse survivors are not weak. Unhealthy coping skills do not show a sign of weakness or poor character. It shows you are brave and strong, and sometimes the body protects itself in strange ways.
It's okay your expectations may not lie with your reality right now. That moment is right now at this moment - not the rest of your life... or the determination of your self worth.
You are so worthy. I hope you learn to love in a healthy way one day, because you deserve it.
Cinderella, you deserve love.
