Christmas is a time for family to come together to cherish and be thankful for one another. This time can sometimes be rough, especially if every family member is not able to make it. Things happen in our lives that cause us to tackle hard obstacles. Mine for this Christmas was having to celebrate for the first time without my mother.

My mother has not passed, she is still very much alive. She is just not the most ideal mother on the planet. My life has been full of ups and downs that are mostly due to her, but she has still always been my mom. Over the years, she would've gave up everything for me and would've done anything for my sister and I. That all changed this year.

We didn't have that typically "mother-daughter" relationship you see plastered over all forms of social media. We had a different kind of relationship that consisted of talking once or twice a month or only talking when she needed to borrow money from me or my sister. She could not keep a job, and without that had no money for herself. Last Christmas, she had gotten me one of the best gifts I have ever received: a vinyl recorder player. This year the best gift she is giving me is not contacting me.

2018 was a year that took a toll on my life. A bunch of different things happened, some good and some bad. My mother and I stopped talking in August. It is now December and still I haven't heard a word from her. This will be the first Christmas in 19 years that I will spend without her.

Luckily, I have so much love from the rest of my family and my friends to not have to think of her and enjoy my holidays with a smile. If you still have your mother or even your father in your life, please hold them close this Christmas. You never know what life will bring.