Sometimes I honestly get on the computer and don't know what to write. I feel like after all the different articles I have written about love and loss, there really shouldn't be anything else out there for me to say. I have poured my broken and re-healed heart into everything I have written and it doesnt seem like there should be any room for anything else. But there is.
Moving on is incredibly hard. I am trying in my life not only to move on from things that have affected me but decisions I have made and decisions that were made for me. I have to admit there are times that I have said things and done things just to be spiteful to some people that have hurt me and in doing that, it changed me for the worse. I used to be happy and full of love and life, but holding on to these things drug me down to the point where I didn't want to keep going.
Today at 1:42 in the morning, I moved on. Letting go of all the bad things that have happened to me was the hardest part. I stopped letting decisions of the past effect my mood in the future. I can honestly say I am still upset and sometimes the things that have happened to me still make me cry. I let it go. Decisions you or other people have made for me is no reason for me to allow myself to not be happy.
Since I moved on from the big stuff, I decided I was moving on from the little stuff too. He broke my heart, I got up and got better. Honestly without that small thing, I probably wouldnt have gotten the help I needed for the big things and could be much worse off than what I am now. Also, in looking for ways to get over the heartbreak I have met the most amazing people and made the most amazing memories than I have in my first 20 years of life.
Moving on is letting me breathe again. I thought that I had to make decisions that limited me in what I could and couldnt do. I wanted to avoid people and places I knew would bring up the negativity that plagued my life. Now I go where I want when I want (within reason I still ask my mom for somethings) and I make decisions based on how I feel and how it will affect me in the long run. Its freeing and honestly I have made the worst and best decisions in the past 6 months than I have in my entire life and I wouldnt change one minute of it.
You can still hurt and let it go. You hurt me and it will always scar my heart, I have just stopped reopening the wound and ended the bleeding. I will not watch myself bleed to death over anything anymore. And If you don't like the new me theres a place for you in the past, that I'm letting go of.
