We were thankful to have you last Christmas. It was bittersweet, because deep down inside, I think we all knew it was your last Christmas.
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. Little did I know, you would depart with a huge part of it.
This year, all I want is to see you, to hold you, to hear your voice at least one more time, but I understand things are different now. And I am trying to understand this is truly for the best.
Last Christmas, we prayed for a miracle. Something to ensure your quality of life, for at least a little longer. Our faith had been shaken, but not destroyed. We knew you were a warrior, and you wouldn't go down without a fight.
As much as it breaks me this year, to try to put on a smile throughout all the seasonal lights, celebrations, and food that won't be nearly as good as yours, I can't help but feel there is something missing.
My Christmas light is gone. My second mother seemed to have just vanished so slowly, yet so quickly, and far too soon.
I know there is no better way to spend Christmas than with the Birthday Boy Himself, however, I'm not sure how to fill the void in my heart that went to Heaven right along with you.
To Save Me From Tears...
I want to be happy for you. I am standing before you, but I'm dying on the ground. I feel cold and broken and empty.
But you were so warm. You were so pink with joy. You were so beautiful and full of life. You are no longer suffering. You are no longer fighting for your life, but embracing eternal love and joy.
So this year, I will not let your memory go down with the candles I have lit. I will not let your flame quiet as I turn to darkness, but I will keep a light lit high and bright, just for you, the way you like.
I will still eat your favorite foods, and try to bake your favorite deserts. And although I know nothing will ever compare to having you next to me...
Sometimes, deep down in my heart, I still hear your gentle voice. I still hear you calling to me, telling me you love me, and that you will never fully leave me.
One day, I will find peace, the way you did. But today, I am still searching for you, as I always will be.
I'll Give it to Someone Special...
You did take a part of me with you. A big part of my faith and hope left when you left me too. A part of me is always in agony, in pain, but nothing compares to the pain you endured. You were strong and fought it just for us.
Now, I will follow your example. I will be strong and fight it, just for my child.
Yes, you left this world, you left me in some way, but you didn't leave me empty-handed. You left me broken, but not for long. You took a part of my heart, just to replace it with the biggest blessing of my life.
You granted me a child in my womb to keep me from feeling empty and withering away. While you were my amber, you left me with something to live for. A purpose. A reason. An everlasting love and joy.
The love and joy you gave me, I can now pass on to someone else. And that is the best Christmas gift anyone could ask for.
You will live with me, through me, and for me, as I use your examples and love to raise my child the way you raised your children and the way you raised me. And for that, I cannot thank you enough.