I am 19 years old. I am not an old spinster. However, lately I feel as if there is a large flashing neon sign on my forehead that reads “I am alone, and am probably going to die alone. Must get married ASAP.” If one more person asks me about my relationship status, I’m going to scream. Right at them. Very loudly.
As young adults, we like to joke and say that we will never get married and instead become crazy cat ladies. I am allergic to cats, so I know this isn’t an option for me, but I have my entire life ahead of me. The fact that I am single at age 19 does not mean I will be single forever. Many of my peers are getting engaged, and that is supposed to make me less of a successful human being? Wrong. I am not defined by my relationship status, and neither are they. But more often than not when talking to people the dreaded question “Do you have a boyfriend?” comes before “Where do you go to school?” or “What’s your major?” I have so many more accomplishments than my relationship status or lack thereof.
Powerful couples are not born when one partner decides to put his or her entire life into the other person. They are not created when one person sheds his or her identity to take up life in the shadow of his or her soulmate. They happen who two people decide that they are done reveling in their singleness, that they have lived their single years with vengeance and regret nothing. Then they decide to start the next chapter in their life. My life is a great novel, F. Scott Fitzgerald material. So why would I want to skip a single exciting chapter?
I have not finished loving myself. I am not finished being selfish. I am not ready to give up my own wants, hopes, and dreams in order to compromise for someone else (which is not a bad thing, but rather a very necessary thing for relationships). I plan on accomplishing everything I have set my sights on. That way when I do enter a relationship, I can look back on my single self and be proud of her.
Sometimes I like to envision myself as a young Carrie Bradshaw. Single, writer and living in New York. Minus the New York part in physical form, but my heart belongs there. So as one of our favorite single girls would say, “The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you that you love, that’s just fabulous.” If I am not completely in love with myself, then how can I love someone else?
When I see myself, I do not see the same flashing neon sign that the rest of society sees. I see my accomplishments and my goals. That is what defines me. So you see, I chose the spinster life. If I wanted to be in a relationship I could be, but it’s a choice. And it is not a choice that I should be ashamed of. I know that I will find someone. If I’m destined to be forever alone, then doesn’t that also mean that I have forever to find someone? I’m not in a hurry. The next time someone asks me about my relationship status, I’m going to say that I am in a very happy relationship with myself, and maybe someday, someone will come along who would like to third wheel with us forever.
