You know that feeling when you can hear your heart beating louder and louder. You get a hot rush that takes over your body, and you feel that bump swell up in the back of your throat. You start to feel your tears trickle down your face and in a matter of seconds uncontrollable sobs come out of your mouth. Thats the feeling that would take over my body almost every night. I would feel the burning sensation and instantly knew that there was no way to stop it.
In that moment of weakness all I wanted was to be held. I had nobody to comfort me besides the pillow laying on the bed beside me. I couldn't run to my mom as she was an hour away. I couldn't run to you because you were the one who caused it. I couldn't run to a friend because they all withdrew themselves from my life because of you. I had nobody but myself. In that moment of weakness I realized I need myself more than anyone or anything in this world.
I needed me. I needed me to be strong and to put on a brave face and pretend that this small set back would not affect me. I needed me to be strong even though I was weak. I needed me to hold it all together even though everything was falling apart. I needed to take those tears and build something beautiful.
These moments of weakness have allowed me to understand that at the end of the day the only person you truly need is yourself. You need to push through the challenges and obstacles that are given to you because God has something planned for you. You need to realize that this small set back is not the end of the world, in fact it is preparing you for something much better. You need to stay strong for yourself. You can't give up because that would be too easy. The pain sucks don't get me wrong. It is one of the worst feelings in the world but you need to take that pain to create something better.
At the end of the day you don't need a relationship to be happy. You don't need someone to be tied to you. At the end of the day you need YOU, because you are the only person that will be there in the darkest moments of your life. You need YOU to be happy. You need to love yourself before you can love anyone else. You need to push through those hard days to see what is in store for your future. You will have those moments where you think it is the end of the world but I promise you its not. Continue to choose YOU each and everyday and watch how your life changes.
