This week, Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz announced that Carly Fiorina will be his running mate once the general election begins. Ordinarily, this would be a fairly standard but newsworthy event. Sure, it's important that a presidential candidate announces who they would select as vice president, but this happens every four years. This one was newsworthy for a different reason: Ted Cruz has not yet won the Republican nomination.
That's right. Ted Cruz announced who his vice president would be, despite the fact that he is not yet the party's nominee. It is looking increasingly evident that he will not win the nomination, let alone the general election. It seems that Cruz is looking toward an election he will not be a part of, and that is glorious.
First, let's look at the nominee herself. For those of you who don't remember (almost everyone), Fiorina was a 2016 Republican presidential candidate herself before dropping out almost immediately. She was formerly the CEO of Hewlett-Packard, or HP, and by most accounts she wasn't a great one. So why did Cruz pick her, of all people? Clearly, it's because she's a woman. Cruz is often accused of being far too conservative, so to pander to the more moderate Republican voters, he chose Fiorina. Also, Cruz, like most Republicans, assumes that Hillary Clinton will win the Democratic nomination. While that has yet to be determined, if Cruz ran against Clinton with Fiorina as his running mate, Clinton no longer has the vaunted "woman card" that Donald Trump accuses her of using. It's pure posturing. Cruz and Fiorina share little in common politically.
I still can't get over the fact that Cruz is acting like he's already won the nomination. I know that's probably not what he was going for, but to me, it seems like he's already thinking about November instead of the primary he's currently losing. It would be like if I chose a vice presidential nominee, since I have about as much of a chance as Ted Cruz of winning the presidential election in 2016.
Actually...that's not a bad idea. I'm not even legally allowed to run for president, but let's not worry about that. The fact that I can't win isn't stopping me from thinking ahead to the November election, because that's what Ted Cruz has taught me. I am officially announcing my candidacy for president of the United States, and as my running mate, I choose...
James Earl Jones. He will give all of my speeches and will soothe the nation with his amazing voice. Hey, it's more than Carly Fiorina is offering Ted Cruz.
There you have it, people. Vote for me, and you can get the voice of Darth Vader and Mufasa into the White House, which is a more concrete promise than most politicians give at this time of the year.