I never believed in fairy-tales. See, I grew up in a world of beer bottles and roaring screams at 2 a.m. I never once saw my father give my mother flowers or presents, but I remember the double -edged swords he threw at her. I remember the pain that he gave to her in empty promises and lies that were always in the process of unraveling. I never was told about Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty, I watched how a teen pregnancy tore two high school sweethearts apart.

I never believed in a knight in shining armor. I learned young that I had to be my own hero. I had to decide for myself whether I wanted to be a mermaid or a human, if I wanted to let my family control me or if I wanted to see what would happen to my life at midnight as I watched one day rollover into another. It was my choice from the beginning: to climb down from the tower, to defeat the dragon, to save my own soul and overcome my own curse.

I never believed I would be saved by a charming Prince or a daring knight. I never grew up with the idea that I would be worth royalty. My hands are dirty, my soul is twisted, my mind is a dark place very few care to travel. I do not have a crown of daisies, I am not best friends with fairyland creatures, I do not own any beautiful gowns. I can’t dance, I do not have radiating beauty, I am not basking in grace and my ink stained hands do more damage than they do healing.

So, for the love of God, do not put me on a pedestal. Do not deem yourself unworthy. You have paid attention to every moment, you have cared about intricate details of every piece of this mosaic I have fallen into. You are not a knight in shining armor. You are the goofy boy down the street from me that I’ve known since I was a little girl; you wear raggedy basketball shorts and t-shirts you found on your bedroom floor. You are not a prince. You are a hardworking man with strong hands and a great laugh; a wholesome soul and a kind heart with a smart mouth and a quick wit.

I won’t ask you for a fairy-tale ending because you are not any Prince Charming and I am no Cinderella. I won’t ask you for flowers or for beautiful dresses. I will just simply ask that you choose me. Choose me every day just as I have chosen you. You choose the countless notebooks covering our apartment, none of them filled completely because I always like the idea of a fresh start. You choose the random drives at 3 in the morning because the nightmares have haunted me so terribly, my eyes won’t rest. You choose the random laughing at inappropriate times and the stressful silence when my anxiety has stolen my words and my breath. And I will choose you. I will choose the dirty looks when I’ve crossed the line but you won’t say exactly what I did. I will choose the stubbornness, always wanting to be so prideful and never letting yourself be needy. I’ll still kiss your neck when you act like you want to be alone and force you to speak when you act like you don’t want to say words. I’ll still be there even when you say you don’t want me to be there, because in the end I know you just want someone to fight for you, so I will. I will choose you over and over again and we will fight and we will argue and we will hate each other sometimes,

But I will choose you because you know that I am not a princess but you chose me anyway.