I hear a lot of people say they're not liberal/feminist/etc because they choose not to make themselves the victim. Well that's great for you, Bethany, but some people don't have the luxury of that being a choice. A victim, by definition, is a person subject to a crime or mistreatment. In it's essence, being a victim is not a decision made by anyone but the perpetrator. Their actions reflect poorly on no one but themselves. And yet, we seem to have a surprising aversion toward those who speak out about their mistreatment. Why? Because it makes us wildly uncomfortable. We would rather others remain complicit in their own dehumanization than face the unfortunate truth that there are some really sh*tty people in this world. Our world is filled with violence, hate crimes, and assault, but those with the privilege of avoiding direct experience with it may be inclined to avoid acknowledging it altogether. We resign to the idea that we can't stop rape, yet it's the choice of the victim to put their trauma in a tiny little box out of our view in order to avoid causing others any discomfort.

Acting as if victimization is a choice feeds directly into our society's tendency toward victim blaming, adding insult to injury when someone has already been through a lot. Racism is a choice. Violence is a choice. Assault is a choice. Being a victim of these things is not. So why is it such a taboo label? I have red hair so I am a redhead. I'm 5'8" so I am tall. I go to college so I am a student. Something happened to me that was not in my control so I am a victim. None of these labels define me. They are simply neutral terms that describe me.

Being a rapist. A racist. A criminal. A misogynist. Those are labels that should carry with them a negative stigma. Because those are the people causing harm. Being a victim, however, is just a fact. It's synonymous with being a survivor. It's not weak and whiny. It says, "Something happened to me entirely out of my control. Yet here I am, speaking up and overcoming." To claim that victimization is a choice comes from a place of enormous ignorance and privilege. You can't possibly tell someone who is discriminated against on a daily basis that they are choosing to be a victim of racism. You can't tell a woman who was violently raped to choose not be traumatized. It becomes a part of who you are and you know what? That's okay. Some people may personally choose not to label themselves as victims or talk about it at all if that is how they prefer to cope with their own experience. But I'll say this now and as many times as it takes for people to understand- you do not get to tell people how to cope with trauma. You do not get to expect someone to set aside their hardship for the sake of your comfort. Your experience in this world is not universal.