Why is everyone and their mother wearing chokers again?

You know the kind I’m talking about. Not beautiful diamond and platinum chokers worn by celebrities at the Emmys, but the stretchy plastic ones that everyone wore back in elementary school along with their silly bands. I don’t even remember if I was one of the many kids to rock one of these babies, but I definitely remember them being a big part of the early 2000s, along with Limewire, Neopets, and Lindsay Lohan before she did crack.

And yet, here we are in 2016 and they’re the hottest thing on the market again, worn by everyone from the eccentric hipsters you would expect to wear them, to your basic white girl who shops at Forever 21 and wants to look atypically stylish. Forever 21, coincidentally, has about a million chokers you can buy for less than 6 bucks!

MY THOUGHTS...

….are basically summed up in the above photo. If you’re over the age of twelve and still wearing a plastic choker (oh, and if you don’t have access to a time machine), then you shouldn’t be wearing it because THEY WERE FOR ADOLESCENT CHILDREN TEN YEARS AGO. I know that some wardrobe items are considered timeless, but guess what—a timeless piece is something like a vintage Chanel bag, or a cashmere sweater, or a pair of luxury blue jeans. Something that you put on and it doesn’t look out of my place no matter what’s in style at the moment, because it’s a classic.

Stretchy springy choker necklaces do not meet the criteria of a timeless wardrobe piece. I repeat, stretchy springy choker necklaces are not timeless. Far from it. If I meet you and you’re wearing one of them around you’re neck, I’ll automatically assume that you are also an avid Tumblr poster, frequently attend music festivals, and hardcore make-out with your boyfriend in public.

If that isn’t the image you want people to get, don’t wear a plastic choker. It’s that simple. You can express how ~different~ you are without your emphatic neckwear. I promise.