All I wanted, forever, was for you to choose me. Everything seemed too good to be true from the very start. Everything you did for me was things that I only, hopelessly, wrote about. Things that I would never experience myself. And then there was you. You, who slow danced with me in parking lots and made me dinner at midnight while we danced around your kitchen.

You, who ruined it all and broke my heart.

You changed everything. I know that you don’t think of yourself all that highly, and you doubt that you have the ability to change lives, change things forever, but you did. Because you changed me. You broke me and put me back together more times than I can count. You kicked me when I was down after promising to never be like him, only to reach out and offer a hand in the following moments of agony. And I’m not going to thank you for that.

I’m not going to say it made me stronger, or that it made me a better person because it didn’t. You broke me, and I will never, ever be the person I was before you did. You don’t deserve any praise.

I wrote you a letter before. I begged you to choose me, to finally decide what it was that you wanted because I was tired of waiting. I would have waited, you know, for that two a.m. phone call, or for you to show up at my door. I did wait.

But please, if you finally do ever make a choice, a concrete one, if you ever decide to change things forever once more, don’t choose me. Because if you do, I will say yes.

I will say yes even though I am destined to be hurt again. I will say yes, and leave everything behind, just to be myself again with you. With one word from you, the strength I have spent months building up will dissipate. I will crumble at your feet, crying happily, thanking a higher power for putting my life back together. I’m not strong enough to say no. I won’t say no. And you don’t deserve me.

Don’t choose me because it will only take a moment before I become someone I don’t recognize. Whoever it is, whatever it is, to make you love me more. I will become whatever you need if it means you’ll stay this time. And I don’t want that. I don’t like who I am now, but at least I built that on my own. At least I’m not who I am to please you.

If you ever make a choice, please don’t choose me. Don’t choose me because I can’t handle the whirlwind that you now carry with you. Don’t choose me because I would do anything for you. I would change everything for you. I would rather be broken forever than give you any more of my appreciation and love.

You don’t deserve that.

And you never deserved me.