After being in China for a month, I can tell you that things here are very, very different. Something that is extremely different from life back in the States is dating. For one, dating here is a lot less light-hearted and casual. It is said that almost all Chinese born before 1970 (the age of most of your parents), have never dated anyone other than their spouse.

In China, dating is less about finding the love of your life and more about finding an ideal partner. Being an unmarried woman by age 27 is seen as concerning to the family, and these women are often labeled as “leftover women.” China doesn’t have a welfare system in place, so many elderly Chinese look to their children for security in the future. In Chinese society, it is common for the grandparents to move into their kids house to care for the grandchildren while the parents are at work. With the current one child rule, parents are extremely invested in their children’s marriage. This is why parents and grandparents will often try to act as match makers to set up their children. The picture I uploaded is what happens in Shanghai’s People’s Square (think Times Square in New York) during Sunday afternoons. Behind me in the picture are some papers with information about young Chinese people. Each paper lists things such as their age, height and education, and then parents pay to have a matchmaker set up their children. There are thousands of these papers that line the pathways in the park. Can you picture your mom picking out every person you dated? I didn’t think so.

Let’s back track a little bit to those awkward middle and high school dates. Remember getting those notes that said “Will you go out with me? (circle yes/no and return to locker 247)?” Or that boy from high school who asked his girlfriend to prom in the most romantic way possible, making the entire school jealous? Well, dating here is almost non-existent until after college. I guess that’s an exaggeration, but if you are in school and dating, you have to be extremely careful and keep it a secret. If your parents were to find out, chances are they would dislike your partner -- virtually making marriage out of the question.

China’s seemingly strange dating criteria dates back to ancient beliefs. Whereas Greek and Western philosophers focused on things that were logical -- think about how much of math and science stems from Europe -- Chinese philosophers focused more on things that were practical. So us Westerners came up with most of the theory, and the Easterners developed most of the inventions in ancient times. These ideals can be reflected in our today’s dating criteria. For us, we look for someone who sweeps us off our feet and will be our best friend for eternity. For the Chinese, they are looking for someone that is attractive, successful and will make their parents proud.

PDA is not tolerable in China. You’ll be lucky to see two Chinese holding hands in public. This is definitely changing with the times, but in general, you won’t see couples hug or kiss in public (Honestly I think this is a great idea and should be implemented more often in the U.S…). The Chinese are a very proud and nationalistic country. Many traditional families would not allow their child to marry a foreigner, unless their child is seen as “unattractive” and unable to find themselves a rich husband. This doesn’t mean they are unattractive by Western standards, though.  For example, in China tanned skin is seen as unattractive, so you will see women go through great efforts to remain out of the sun and pale.

So enjoy your crazy college romance, and enjoy Valentine’s Day!