The holiday season is usually a stressful time: everyone's running around buying presents, cooking food, and trying to plan around different family gatherings. However, being a child of divorce adds to this stress immensely.
My parents divorced when I was only 6 years old, but I actually had it pretty well. My parents didn't fight. They were always, and still are, fine with seeing each other and sitting together at their kids' events. We even shared Christmas mornings together for a while before both of my parents remarried. Therefore, I've found myself saying to people over and over, "Don't feel bad for me because my parents are divorced. It's not a big deal."
But the truth is, it is a big deal. Even if your divorced parents are civil like mine, they're still divorced. And the holiday season seems to remind me every year that my parents aren't together. I find myself thinking things such as...
"Which parent will I see on Christmas day? Will the other feel left out?"
"Should I give them both my same Christmas list, or should I divide it up between them, so they don't have to contact each other to split up gifts?"
"Do I really need to buy presents for my step siblings? Will they buy presents for me?"
"I miss the way Christmas used to be..."
Don't get me wrong, the holiday season is still a joyous time, but for some reason the wounds you thought had healed years ago become open again. However, it's important to remember that God is with you every day and during this difficult season. Here are some things children of divorce should remember this Christmas:
1. Marriage is still meaningful.
The Bible tells us that marriage was created by God to give us an example of how Christ loves us. It's a covenant just like the covenant God made with his children. That's why Ephesians tells husbands to "love their wives like Christ loves the church." It's modeled after God's love.
So when you hear someone say, "Love doesn't last forever" or "Marriage isn't as big a deal as it used to be," those are lies. Those are all horrible lies. Marriage should be viewed as a sacred, holy example of God's unbreakable covenant with us, so don't believe that it can be downplayed.
2. You are adopted into a greater, perfect family.
Although it is important to honor your father and mother, it's also true that you are adopted into a greater, perfect family: God's family. Psalms 68 tells us that God is "the father to the fatherless." That means whether you're an orphan or a child of divorce, you are a part of God's family.
And God gives good gifts to His children. The Sermon on the Mount says, "If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" (Matthew 7:11). So if you're a little sad this Christmas, remember that God is like extreme Christmas, blessing you with endless wonderful gifts that you can't even imagine, and it's all because you are in His family.
3. You are allowed to feel hurt.
It's easy to read verses like "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous!" (Joshua 1:9) and feel guilty for feeling broken. However, Psalms 37:17-20 says, "When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken."
The Lord has affection for you and is heartbroken that you have to go through this pain. However, He is the only thing great enough to heal you. Cling to Him this season and whenever you feel broken.
4. You are not doomed for failure.
There's this sickening, untrue myth that children of divorce are too emotionally scarred to become as successful as children whose parents are still married. Many believe that children with divorced parents are destined for divorce, too. However, this is untrue.
Proverbs 16:3 says, "Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established." Jeremiah 29:11 reveals that God's plan for you are "for welfare and not for evil, but to give you a future and a hope." The Bible doesn't say, "If your parents aren't divorced, then God will give you a good future." Instead, the Bible says, "If you give yourself to Jesus, you will be given hope by God." Failure is not in your future when you have Jesus because He's already won.
5. God loves your parents.
Divorce is a sin, but God's love is greater. Romans 8:37-38 says:
"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Your parents' sin does not separate them from God's love. Nothing can, so when you're doubtful that God still loves them, push that lie out of your mind. God will always, always love your parents and you.
6. Christmas proves God's love for you.
With the exception of maybe Easter, Christmas should be the time when we're the most reminded that God loves us. It's the time when we celebrate Jesus's birth, when the Word became flesh in order to save us from our sins. John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."
This Christmas, remember this verse and remember the incredible truth of Jesus's birth. Without Him, eternal life would not be possible, and we could not be a part of God's family.
