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Thank You To The Person Who Made Me Feel Like I Wasn't Enough

Because you hurt me, I'm happier than ever.
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To the person who made me feel like I wasn't enough—thank you.

Thank you for always making me feel like I had to try harder. You taught me how to never give up. I needed you, or I thought I did, so I fought and fought for you even when I was well past the point where I should have given up. But I never did. So you showed me just how far I can push myself before breaking. For that, thank you again.

Thank you for fighting with me. Because you fought with me, I learned how to better pick my battles. That's so important to know in life. Battles that aren't fought aren't lost; they're just not worth the fight. Since you, I've become more level-headed and understanding. I'm more mature about issues, and believe it or not, sometimes I'm actually right. So thank you for showing me that not every fight is worth it.

Thank you for the good times. When it was good, it was great. But when it was bad, it was awful. It can't be denied that we had a good time whenever we were together. The laughs, inside jokes and planning our future. It got me prepared for my life now. It helped me realize that I can share so much about my life with someone. It gave me the confidence to fully be me with my new relationship, and he accepts that. Thank you for allowing someone else to experience my life with me.

Thank you for letting me love you. Loving you was emotionally exhausting. I loved and loved and loved, hoping that maybe one day you would return it all, and you never did. But since I loved you with all I had, it proved to me that someone someday would be able to return it. I love better now, with no limitations; just freely, because I finally found someone to return it. You loved me when I was mad at you, when you needed me for something or when you were guilty. It was never just about us. Thank you for showing me what love isn't about. Because of that, I can love my person endlessly.

Thank you for cheating on me. Whoa, never thought I would write that sentence. You hurt yourself, and of course, you hurt me, but you made me strong. The sentence always replays in my head: "I cheated on you; I don't deserve you, but you will find someone who does."

You were right. You do not and never did deserve me. And you were right again—I did find someone who does. Because of you, I'm not as weak. I don't break as easily. And I stand up for myself now. Yes, you made me insecure because somebody I invested over a year of my life into threw it all away without good reason. But I'm so thankful you did. I had to learn to get up and love myself. I had to have the strength to smile through the pain. Since then, I couldn't be happier. I learned to love myself, and in the process found someone who loves me more than that. He sees my flaws and loves me anyway. He understands me. He accepts me for who I am.

If it wasn't for you, I would have never experienced hurt. But if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be where I am today. Thank you for making me. I loved the idea of who I thought you were, but I could never really love you. I planned a future in my head and tried to fit you into it, but you were too scared of commitment. All I had to realize the whole time was that God had already planned my future, and it was without you. He gave me the person my future was planned around. And strangely, it looks a lot like the one I had planned in my head ... except in this one I'm smiling.

Cover Image Credit: Summer Gordon

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Ladies, Stop Trying To Teach Boys How To Be Your Man If They're Not Even Men In The First Place

It is your job to love him. But it is not your job to teach him how to love you back.

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I see. this way too often, honestly it upsets me and breaks my heart. It breaks my heart when I see a girl begging her boyfriend to put her on her Snapchat story. It breaks my heart when I see a girl begging her boyfriend to get off a video game and spend time with her. It breaks my heart when I see a girl doodling on a napkin at the dinner table and her boyfriend is on his phone and hasn't even looked up at her once. These things break my heart because this girl, whoever she may be, maybe it is you? She deserves a man. What she has though, is a boy. And before you say anything, yes, there is a huge difference.

I was that girl once. I begged and begged my ex-boyfriend all the time to put me on his Snapchat story. You may be reading this and be thinking "Wow she's a little attention seeking." No, that is not it at all. A simple act of being posted about made me feel special, loved, missed at times, and served as reassurance and a word of affirmation for me. Do you want to know something silly? Maybe you've done it too. Sometimes I would do something crazy to get his attention. Something funny, and silly and random just so he would post me on his story and I wouldn't have to ask.

At the dinner table, I was that girl that while he was on his phone I was sliding him notes on a napkin saying "I love you" or "Hi" or funny jokes to get his full and undivided attention.

At home, I was the girl that used to literally throw myself at him while he was playing video games to try and get him to press pause for two minutes and pay attention to me and have a conversation with me.

You see, I was that girl. But I refuse to ever be that girl again. If you are that girl, stop what you're doing.

It is your job to love him. But it is not your job to teach him how to love you back.

There is a big difference between a boy and a man. Contrary to what society may believe most boys don't actually turn into men until they are almost 40. Scary for us girls right? But here's the kicker and to be honest it has nothing to do with age.

Any boy that is in the process of becoming a man and maturing is going to know how to treat a woman. He is not going to choose video games or his phone over you. He is going to post you everywhere all the time because he wants to show you off to the world and make you feel special. He isn't going to ever leave you wondering.

The list could really go on comparing and contrasting the differences between a boy and a man but the important ones to remember when you are in a relationship are:

1. A boy thinks "me." A man thinks "us"

2. A boy gives false promises. A man honors his commitments (one being you.)

3. A boy cares about how you look in jeans. A man cares about how you look in his future.

4. You will always wonder how a boy feels about you. You will always know how a man feels about you.

All too often I see girls in the act of this. It is almost like they are training a dog or raising a child. They order them around and become demanding when it comes to doing things that make them feel special, validated and reassured. Granted, they are doing this because their relationship is lacking something but the truth is, it shouldn't be lacking something in the first place.

You are dating a boy not a man. I hate to break that to you. I really do. It's the hardest news you'll ever receive. Why? Well because

You can't fix him, you can't teach him, and you can't change a boy into a man. They have to do it on their own

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