Happiness is a relative term. It’s not something that can pinpointed, or consistently defined. It’s a feeling. It’s something we experience.

As I’ve written about before, I struggle with depression and anxiety. I’ve been living with these illnesses for awhile now, however for the past year I’ve been consciously making an effort to regain control of my life, and to stop letting these illnesses define who I am.

In the past year, I’ve left people, I’ve stopped allowing certain things into my life, and I selfishly took control of who I am. It was not always easy, and it did not always end well, but it worked.

Over the past year, I’ve come to realize that you cannot ever be satisfied with anything, until you are satisfied with who you are. You can have happy moments and happy times, but you will never be happy with life until you are happy with who you are - and that’s huge. Being happy with who you are is so much more than just accepting yourself, it’s loving yourself.

For a long time I blamed everyone’s problems on me. If someone was sad, it was my fault for not making them happier. If someone was mad, it was my fault for not knowing how to stop it. If someone was hurt, it was my fault for not keeping them safe.

I fought so hard for everyone else’s happiness, that I put mine in a box and shoved it so far out of my mind. I let everyone define who I was, that I couldn’t even recognize the person I grew up to be.

A year and four months ago, I hit my lowest point. Everything inside of me quit, and it was as if I wasn’t real anymore.

A year and two months ago, I decided I wanted my life back.

A year ago, I realized I was not where I needed to be.

Five months ago, I took charge of my life.

Four months ago, I left people behind.

Two months ago, I started over.

Last week, I realized I am exactly where I wanted to be.

Today, I own my life.

Today, I am happy.

I am happy.

That’s something I haven’t said honestly, and completely in over four years.

My life is mine to control. My worth is not defined by another’s opinion, and my happiness is not dictated by someone else’s disatisfaction.

My illnesses are nobody’s fault. My illnesses do not define who I am. My illnesses do not control my happiness - they are a part of who I am, a part of my story.

There is never a reason to give up on yourself - take it from someone who knows.

God gave us this life for a reason, he made us who we are for a reason, and he makes no mistakes.

So cheers to this life, to this feeling, and to ourselves.