Disclaimer:
The following is based off of my own personal experiences. The situation entailed could be vastly different for someone else who also experiences Sensory Overloads and/or Panic/Anxiety attacks. It is meant only to explain to others what such an individual may be experiencing at the time that one occurs.
The day seems to be no different than any other. I watch as various groups of people dart around campus flitting from one building to the next. I arrive at my next class and organize my belongings near my desired choice of seating. I pull out some paper and I begin to sketch until the class begins.
Slowly the students file in and situate themselves into their predefined cliques and social groups. The students begin speaking to one another.This continues for some time. What starts out as a mere whisper between two individuals becomes a thunderous symphony of cacophonous confusion. I try to block out the multiple conversations but I then begin hearing the very breathing of people that are sitting near me. I cover my ears and look at a random spot on the ceiling which causes me to notice the lights are flickering.
My very skin begins to crawl and I examine my surroundings debating as to whether or not I should leave the room. I decide to stay and wait out the impending chaos. I remove my hands from my ears and place them on my knees. I claw into my legs and bite the inside of my bottom lip. Both the speed of my heart-rate and my breathing increase as the sound around me continues to grow even louder. My body begins to become tense. I should have left when I had the chance.
I place my hands on my ears once more and look down at the desk. I begin to feel a choking sensation. My breathing has become ragged. I tense up even more as I struggle to breathe. My cheeks become wet as the tears that I had held back until this point stream forth. My hands are rigid and I grip my hair. It feels as though I am in a vice. The world around me barely exists at this point. I can not hear anything except for my own breathing and convulsive sobs. I begin to rock back and forth though I can no longer tell how forcefully I do so.
I feel like I am about to die. I want to scream out loud so I bite into my lip even harder to silence myself just in case. In this moment I hate myself for letting something so "minimal" affect me so much. I wish to be "normal". I feel like I am being torn in two. Without thinking I stamp my feet on the floor forcefully. They begin to hurt. A cathartic release from this imprisoning mental reality.
The disjointed chaos around me begins to reassemble itself again. My vision becomes less blurred. My breathing slows down. I stop rocking. I sit in silence. I listen carefully. People are still talking and laughing but it no longer sounds as tumultuous. I listen for a few more seconds and slowly raise my head to observe my surroundings. The first item that comes into my view is a black jacket that was not in the vicinity previously. I recognize the jacket and look around to find its owner. One of my best friends is sitting nearby. It would seem that while I was inside of that maelstrom of seclusion she had arrived to the class. She stayed by my side while I was dealing with this inner battle. I am so thankful for that.
