For all the cool cats who saw "Deadpool" on its opening weekend, I'm sure that you walked out wondering, "How the sh*t is that guy so funny?" If you haven't seen it yet, then you need to get your lazy *ss out to a theater and pay your respects to Mr. Pool.
Boys and girls, you probably have a better chance of actually seeing (as Weasel so poetically puts it) an older avocado hate-f*cking another avocado than becoming as hilarious as Wade Wilson, but here are some tips for you princesses to try to embrace that clever *sshole inside of you, regardless.
That came out wrong.
Add some spice to your cooking.
Not only does colorful language get you psyched about whatever you're making, it lets other people know that you're serious about that delicious Mexican dish.
Stay young at heart.
Adult coloring books are all the rage right now, but don't just color in those lame forest scenes, make your own adult drawings.
Share what you make with the world.
Maybe your mom will even put it on her fridge. (Just don't get your hopes up.)
Don't be afraid to make fun of yourself.
In case you're an idiot who didn't catch this reference, Reynolds is making fun of his character in that embarrassment of a movie, "Green Lantern."
Be honest.
Just think WWDD. (What Would Deadpool Do?)
Just don't be too honest.
It'll just be awkward if you say it.
When in doubt, dance it out.
Do you need some inspiration? Pick up your own copy of Salt N Pepa's "Shoop" or DMX's "X Gon Give It To Ya."
Refer to yourself in the third person.
Be sure to call yourself "Daddy." Chicks love it.
Go big or go home.
If Dopinder can learn this one, then you can too.
In case you haven't guessed it yet, sexual innuendos make everything better.
Guys, don't ever tell someone to do this. Why can't you be thankful for what you're already getting?
Get used to long sullen silences or mean comments from kids nowadays.
If you're lucky, they'll come from someone with a cool name like Negasonic Teenage Warhead.
Remember, it's the little things that count.
While it makes comedy gold when you're in the midst of something seemingly more important, feel free to tell your boyfriend: "It's the little things that count," too. I'm sure that he'll find it just as funny.
