What’s in a name? We’re given our names at birth, sometimes sooner. It is so much more than what you go by. Your name identifies you. What you do with it throughout your lifetime and how you develop makes it unique. Our last names are part of a legacy. Sure, we might not like our names sometimes, but it’s ours. It’s something that sets you apart from everyone else.
"Passed down from generations
Too far back to trace
I can see all my relations
When I look into my face
May never make it famous
But I'll never bring it shame
It's my last name"
These lyrics from "My Last Name" by Dierks Bentley describe how I feel about my new last name. My first article on Odyssey was almost about this same topic, but I waited until I received the official document. So for those of you that read my topic ideas on Facebook and thought this was going to be an article about my name changing when I get married, sorry! Of course, that same subject can be somewhat applied in this article. My story with my original last name is not a pretty one, but it’s not the worst thing in the world either. My original last name was my biological father’s, or sperm donor, as I call him, but I knew one day I would separate myself from him. Changing my last name was the first step in changing my own life. Some of you may read this and get bored, and that’s okay. This article is a reflection of something that means so much to me. It’s a gentle reminder that life gets better. It’s also a reminder to not give up when you want something in life.
I won’t go into much detail of my past, but I will give a little insight for those that question why I changed my name. Granted, it really wasn’t your choice, but I know there are several people that do not understand it. Especially since I will be getting married in October 2018. In all honesty, I really do not owe you an explanation and you’ll probably never fully agree with me. And, at this point, I do not care. It was something I wanted and something I needed to do. So anyone that thinks it’s dumb can keep your opinions to yourself. You can support me or you can just move on in life. It might not mean much to you, but it means everything to me.
My story is simple. I was raised by Mom and her sperm donor. My mom was in an abusive relationship and endured a very rough marriage. I seriously do not understand it at times, but my mom is one of the strongest women I know. There were times when it wasn’t so bad, but the bad outweighed the good. Once my mom divorced, she raised my brother and me to the best of her ability. Mom, I know you’re reading this and I hope you know how much I appreciate and love you. If I can be half the woman you are, I know I’m doing okay in life.
Fast forward to when I was fifteen, going on thirty (or so it probably seemed). My mom met the man that I proudly call my dad. Looking back now, I kind of always knew they would end up married. My brother and I started calling him “Daddy Mikey” in the beginning anyway just to see how the ‘dad’ title fit. He stepped in and stepped up. He helped my mom raise me and he was there for us when things were tough. I couldn’t ask for anyone better to be in our lives. He loves my mom and me unconditionally and would do anything in the world for us. I wanted nothing more than to have him adopt me and to share his last name. His whole family is amazing and treats me just like their own. My parents married in 2008 and I couldn’t be happier. It reinforced what I always knew: I was going to change my last name one way or the other and sooner or later.
I’m 24 years old now. I have graduated from high school and college — both with honors. I have a full-time job and I’m working on getting my first house and getting married next fall. I couldn’t have done it without my parents. On January 20, 2017, my name legally changed. Of course, this happened several years later, but there are many complicated reasons for that. However, no matter what my last name was, it didn’t change the way my dad loved me. It makes a big difference when you hear how proud someone is of you and makes you feel loved. My parents and I do not always see eye to eye, but I know without a doubt they will ALWAYS be there. I was my mom’s miracle child and many years later she gave me one of the greatest blessings. I gained a real father. I thank God every day for bringing them together and blessing me with their love and support.
To others like me who have step family — love them. I know it’s hard to adjust at first and not everyone is as accepting. But God has given you a great gift. He’s blessed you with a bigger family and more love. It’s a real blessing when you are able to connect with someone that comes into your life even at the roughest times. And for those that aren’t so lucky with their step-family, have faith. Sometimes it takes time, but like we’ve always heard Good things come to those who wait and I can honestly say that statement is true. I’ve had several prayers answered over the years and sometimes they frustrated me because I had to wait, but God has showered me with blessings.
There were times when I wasn’t so sure I was going to be able to make the name change happen, but my parents helped me remember that everything would happen in God’s timing. The Bible reminds us in several places to wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:14 (KJV) states, “Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.”
It was a financial struggle, but it was done. As I said earlier, many people didn’t understand it, but it wasn’t about them. It was about something I had dreamed of for so long. The day it happened and I received the official document was one of the best days of my life. And if you know me, you know I am very persistent and determined when I want something.
My new last name has given me something to be proud of. If you know my whole story, you know that I hated sharing a name with a family that did almost nothing for me. The only good part of the name was that I shared it with my brother, but before his death, he had wanted to change his as well. I’m proud I was able to carry-out his dream as well as mine.
Changing my last name changed my life. I’ve gained a bigger family that loves me. It makes me proud to be one of them. I am able to add to their legacy and continue to do great things. Yes, I’ll get married next fall, but this name will always be in my heart. When I get married I will take on another name and our families will try to blend. And who knows I might even hyphenate my name. My future husband might not agree, but closer to the time we will discuss it. But no matter what, I will ALWAYS be an Alexander. I’ll always have a name that is mine and one that I am proud of.
Before I close this article, I hope those of you that read this remember that your family tries. No family is perfect and we all face many obstacles throughout life. I know how easy it is to get frustrated when your family doesn’t see things in the way you do, but they’re trying. Parents love their kids and want the best for them. I realize that not every child has the parents I do and I am very blessed. It breaks my heart for those who aren’t treated in the way a child should be. But it does get better and it’s okay to chase your dreams. It’s okay to break the mold and not be like the way you were raised. It’s okay to go after what you want. People will always have an opinion about anything you do. Don’t let someone else change you or crush your dreams. If you want something, go after it. It might not happen overnight, but God will do His will in your life and bless you. Make a legacy for yourself. Do what you need to do. I’ve had many life-changing moments in my life, but this was the one that stands out as one of the most important. My life changed the day my parents met and the day they said ‘I do’. I received the biggest blessings I could from it.
So ask yourself: is there something you want more than anything? What’s going to change YOUR life? How far will you go to make the change happen?
