A "lipstick lesbian" is defined as an excessively feminine woman who does not identify as straight. Alternately, some people use the term "femme," but more often than not I’m referred to as “lipstick,” even by my exes. Being a lipstick comes with its own set of stereotypes as well as a sense of general confusion from most groups of people. Here are some things that we wish you would stop saying:
1. “You’re too pretty to be a lesbian.”
This is so offensive and it’s unbelievable how frequently I hear it. Women are beautiful. Lesbians are beautiful. I am beautiful. The symmetry of my face does not control who I am attracted to. Sorry to disappoint you.
2. “You just haven’t met the right guy yet.”
Stop. Just stop. Just so you know, some of my best friends are guys. They are some of the cutest, nicest, most thoughtful human beings on this planet. Not once have I felt the urge to make out with them.
3. “I’m confused? You have long hair.”
This is one of the most basic stereotypes that people have about lesbians. I love my long hair. I love girls. I know it makes it harder for you to spot me out of a crowd and immediately judge me, so I’m sorry for making you work to be a bigot.
4. “You don’t dress like a lesbian.”
I know it’s probably overwhelming to you that all lesbians don’t wear snapbacks and basketball shorts. I am incredibly feminine. I love heels, lipstick, dresses and nail polish. I like to feel beautiful. These are the things that do that for me. My fashion choices are not definitive of my sexuality.
5. “It’s just a phase.”
NO. I would tell you if it was a phase. I would tell you if I was bisexual. I am being true to myself and it is not my responsibility to make you feel comfortable with that. Trust me, coming out was one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done. Stop trying to force me back into the closet. Even Harry got to move upstairs eventually.
6. “You should give guys a shot. You’ll never know if you don’t try.”
I know plenty of things without trying them, thank you very much. Also, what does that even mean? Try guys? Is there a sample platter you order off of the internet? Relationships are not science experiments. They are serious, they are to be treasured and they are not a joke.
7. “Do you have a boyfriend/husband?”
I can cut you a little slack on this one because I understand that your first assumption is that I’m straight and you probably are not trying to offend me. However, it is quite annoying to have to come out to every single person I meet. It is the 21st century, you guys. It’s time to start normalizing gay relationships. Do not assume you know someone’s sexuality. Be vague. Ask, “Are you dating anyone?” instead.
8. “Wait, so who is the guy in the relationship?”
The first time I got asked this, I thought the person was joking. We are both women. That’s kind of the whole point.
9. “Are you sure you’re not pregnant?”
Every time I go to the doctor. Every time my period is late. Every time I’m sick. From medical professionals to my friends, I’ve been asked this a million times. I’m no expert or anything but I’m pretty damn sure my sex life is lacking one specific thing that helps pregnancy happen.
10. “My boyfriend is being such a jerk. I wish I was a lesbian, too.”
I hear this far too often from my straight friends. Listen, I know that my sexuality is definitely “in style” right now, but please stop. Even if you aren’t aware of the fact that you’re doing it, you’re encouraging the thought process that concludes that being gay is a choice.
11. “You could get any guy you wanted, why would you date girls?”
This kind of follows up on my last point. Being gay is not a choice. You have a type, right? You are naturally attracted to certain people. So am I. At what moment did you consciously decide to like a certain gender? Can’t remember? Yeah, me either.
