Naturally, I had to google every possible Golden Globes speech to prepare for this rant. Here's a Republican's take on the most annoying, irrelevant celebrity acceptance speech the nation has ever seen. There's a reason why the Academy Awards' viewer numbers are at an all-time low.

Of course, Meryl Streep paved the way for President Trump/Republican bashes with her fake-humble, sore-throaty, playing-the-martyr 2017 Golden Globes acceptance speech. Within the first minute of her plea, Meryl strategically mentioned Hollywood, the press, and foreigners, all within the same breath. She was sure to mention the evil of Trump supporters while those same men and women were busy defending her freedom with their very lives.

"Where are their birth certificates?" Streep flippantly questioned as crocodile tears rose in her mascara-laden eyes. Obviously, if you live in Hollywood, it's a requirement that you force your hatred of Donald Trump on everyone, through whatever means necessary. For Meryl, bringing up our former president was the perfect segway into her bash on Trump and all of his supporters.

Of course, she appealed to the emotions of everyone in the audience, dragging the lives of her fellow actors into her apparent "cry for help." Finally, she finished her vicious ripping on everyone's heartstrings, saying,

"But there was one performance this year that stunned me. It sank its hooks in my heart…there was nothing good about it…It made its intended audience laugh, and show their teeth."

Hmm. Who was the "intended audience" Streep was referring to? Could she possibly be talking about anyone who didn't share Hollywood's opinion on anything? Of course, the incident she mentioned was not acceptable, and the president knows that now. But I'm going to be the one to blow the whistle on the epitome of Hollywood hypocrisy here.

Isn't this the same woman who gave a standing ovation for convicted child rapist Roman Polanski? Oh wait, maybe I'm thinking of the time actor Quentin Tarantino said that Polanski's 13-year-old rape victim wanted to have sex with a pedophile? Or am I thinking of Kurt Russell's defense of James Gunn's jokes on pedophilia and rape? Gunn tweeted out:

"I like when little boys touch me in my silly place." Followed by,

"The best thing about being raped is when you're done being raped and it's like, 'whew this feels great, not being raped.'"

Kurt Russell read these tweets, batted his beautiful eyelashes at his interviewer, and commented on the public's reactions to the tweets, saying,

"I think we're getting a little too sensitive."

Those are some interesting words coming from a hyper-sensitive Streep disciple.

There is one person who doesn't seem to bow down to the gods of Hollywood, however. Chris Pratt gave a drastically different acceptance speech a few months ago, drawing out a few brave cheers as he said,

"This is what I call '9 Rules from Chris Pratt: Generation Award Winner.' Number 1: Breathe. If you don't, you'll suffocate. Number 2: You have a soul. Be careful with it. Number 3: Don't be a turd. If you're strong, be a protector, and if you're smart, be a humble influencer. Strength and intelligence can be weapons and do not wield them against the weak. That makes you a bully."

I think we can all agree there are a lot of people who actually needed to hear that. Chris Pratt's message got even better:

"Number 6: God is real. God loves you. God wants the best for you. Believe that. I do…Learn to pray. It's easy, and it's so good for your soul. And, finally, …people are going to tell you you're perfect just the way you are. You're not! You're imperfect. You always will be, but, there is a powerful force who designed you that way. And if you're willing to accept that, you will have grace. And grace is a gift. And like the freedom that we enjoy in this country, that grace was paid for with somebody else's blood."

Meryl Streep can keep crying over child-rapists while pretending those tears are for victims of past presidential mistakes. Speaking of presidential mistakes, why don't celebrities comment on Clinton more, since they love rapists so much?

Chris Pratt actually used his platform to tell people about the only hope of salvation.

Maybe I do want some celebrities' advice.