Birthdays call for desserts of all kind. They call for dinners to be shared with the best company; favorite foods to be consumed, great conversation and laughs to be had, and call for sharing the special day with those who mean the most to us. Birthdays are happy days, and even though they represent the passage of time, of another year, with this, they represent growth, too. Birthdays represent the privilege it is to grow older, which is a privilege so sadly denied to many. Birthdays are not meant for tears or for sadness, however, both seem to be inevitable when celebrating the birthday of an angel in Heaven-- when celebrating the life of someone who was denied the privilege of growing up-- the life of someone who was so tragically cut short, and the life of someone we both celebrate and mourn with the passing of every holiday, every anniversary, and with every birthday.
When Caroline died, the community as a whole lost something. They lost a helping hand whenever one was needed. They lost a smile in the lines of Panda Express, a customer at Danes Dairy and Coldstone, and they lost a trickster, someone always wanting to keep things light and interesting! They lost a speed demon on the road, a smiling stranger on the streets, and a ray of sunshine in even the darkest of rooms.
First and foremost, Caroline's family suffered the greatest and most devastating of losses, for the loss of a daughter, a little sister, a granddaughter, a niece, and a cousin is a loss no one can prepare themselves for, nor is it a loss one should have to endure. My heart continues to ache for her family. How one moves forward in the midst of such sadness and difficulty as admirably and as courageously as her family has is remarkable, and perhaps what is even more amazing is while we have tried to be strong and supportive of them, it is they who have continued to guide us, support us, love us, and wipe away our tears, as we have tried to move forward. Our gratitude and love for the Found family is endless.
As the community suffered the loss of a bright smile and positive attitude, and while her family suffered the incomprehensible loss they have, we, too, suffered from the loss of Caroline. When Caroline died, many lost the greatest and most special friend they have ever known. Many lost their right hand girl-- their go to, the one who had always been there and the one who was supposed to forever be there. Many lost an enthusiastic teammate, a classmate, a student, a fellow employee, and above all else, many lost one of the brightest and most special people in their lives. The loss of Caroline is one we have not gotten over-- we never will.
I have heard it said that, "The reality is you will grieve forever. You will not get over the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again, but you will never be the same again. Nor should you be the same-- nor should you want to."
Although we lost so much by losing Caroline, and although there are moments throughout every day when we simply wish we could pick up the phone and call her to tell her something, to ask her something, or to just hear her voice, we did gain something the day Caroline left for Heaven. Through this tragic loss, we gained a forever angel-- the sweetest one up there aside from her own mom. We gained a deep understanding for life, and living it to the very fullest by enjoying the little things, offering kindness and love to all people, and being cognizant and thankful for both the beauty and for the obstacles in our journeys.
Although we are still heart broken and still recovering from this loss, and although our lives changed forever when Caroline had to go, perhaps we should take a moment on her birthday to recognize all it is that she taught us. For all it is that she left behind for us. For all the relationships and people she has since led us to, for the understanding she has given us, and for all the love and memories she continues to provide for us today. And in this moment, perhaps we should all thank Caroline-- thank her for continuing to show us the way, for continuing to be our friend, and for continuing to guide us and be there with us in all that we do.
As we think of Caroline today on her 22nd birthday, I know we will think of her and smile, as we remember all that she gave us to smile and laugh about. However, I know we will also think of her and cry, as we are thoughtful of both the times we were fortunate enough to share with her and for the unshared times we dreamed of sharing with her. I know we will cry-- as we miss that girl so very much.
To you-- my sweet angel in Heaven-- I hope you're listening. I know you're listening. You are the best I could have ever dreamed of, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish you were here with me, with us. I know you are, in a way, as I see you in all that is around me. I know you're there when the sun is shining through, and I know you're there during the sleepless, hard nights. I know you're there laughing with me when I falter, and I know you're there picking me up, encouraging me, and telling me to go on when I feel as though I can't. Today on your birthday, I will think of you, I will miss you, and I will celebrate you, for I cannot think of a more deserving person than you.
I can only imagine what celebrating in Heaven will be like for you-- I imagine it to be filled with orange chicken, all things chocolate and peanut butter, lots of ice cream and pancakes, too. I imagine the colors and sounds to be of those I have never seen, and imagine your mom beside you, making your day extra special. The only thing missing will be all of us, Line. Oh, how we wish we could wrap our arms around you. What we would give... what we would do.
Happiest of birthdays-- to our sweet angel in Heaven-- to Caroline.
