Picture a loving mom setting a piping hot pie down in the middle of the table.
There are five people total in your family, and you watch expectantly as she moves her knife through every flakey layer and morsel. A pie sliced in five makes for perfect distribution between all of you. To cut less or more would mean the shattering of pie equality for all. To cut four means someone is getting nothing and to cut six means someone is getting more. The fact is, each and every slice matters, because the pie is meant for the enjoyment of everyone.
Someone could argue that the number of slices has no importance when there is a whole pie. Would you still say that if only four slices were cut for a group of five and you had to miss out? Probably not. It matters that there’s a whole pie, but it also matters that there are five slices. The individual and the whole both matter. Each have an impact, but to say that a particular slice doesn’t matter when compared to the whole pie, isn’t true. We celebrate the whole by valuing the individual, not by suppressing it.
Last week I attended Creation Music Festival as an Admissions Rep for Nyack College. It was an amazing time and I loved every second. But, being caught in a swarm of 20 thousand people can be jarring. Within the week, I saw many different types of people, styles and personalities. It can be easy to get insecure (cough, cough me). I wondered what I have to offer that others don’t. “How can I stand out in a sea of so many?” It was in that insecurity that I recognized something so important.
Looking for and celebrating the unique traits of others is life-giving. As I sat at our vending booth, I began playing a game. I would look at people and begin calling them by their noticeable traits. Here are some examples: David with the good jaw line, guy whose sneakers match his iPhone case, or youth leader with the crazy eyes. Now I could have left this game to myself, but being the bold relational introvert that I am, I couldn’t keep it in. I began to tell people what I noticed about them. I told David that he had a nice jawline. Dalton became informed that he pulled off a man-bun surprising well for being a Pennsylvania boy. And Wesley learned that his skin tone was great for the purple color of his free Houghton t-shirt. Seeing people light up with an awkward sense of both surprise and thankfulness was exciting!
The more I complimented people, the more I replayed the line from Beyonce’s song “Sorry.” "Becky with the good hair", I’d repeat to myself. I said it so many times that it became my mantra. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how necessary it is to affirm the positive qualities of others. Yet, Beyoncé's lyrics actually point to a bigger issue at hand. "Becky with the good hair" is not, as it first seems, an affirmation of a girl named Becky. Becky, as many articles have noted, is a general term for “the other woman.” “Good hair,” as PopSugar points out, is actually referring to the good hair/bad hair issue black women have been struggling with for centuries. Good hair refers to generally looser, less coarse hair, which can be a genetic rarity for the more typical tight, coarse hair of many black women. By saying Becky with the good hair, Beyoncé is juxtaposing herself as the woman with “bad hair” against Becky with “good hair.” She’s also bringing attention to her legitimacy as the “true” woman, while Becky is the “other.” Despite being a phrase drawing attention to the characteristics of another person, it is not the type of affirmative word we need to give each other.
Affirmation that comes from a place of insecurity is often more envious than it is loving. If I notice David’s jawline and affirm it because I hate my own, I am affirming from a place of insecurity and comparison rather than objective love. I am not saying Beyoncé is insecure. If there’s anyone who has nothing to be insecure about (at least from our limited perspective), it’s Queen B. But, Beyoncé has no need to even notice Becky’s “good hair” in comparison to her own, beautiful self. And neither do we. Each and every one of us is a part of the greater, whole pie of humanity. Yet, each and every one of us is also their own, individual unique slice of humanity. Every slice, though in and of itself "pie", is important, unique and individual. It's importance to the whole is no more than any other slice. However, its uniqueness and individuality is also inexpressibly important, which brings me to my final point in light of the recent tragedy of Alton Sterling.
Regardless of who you are, what you do or what you think, I beg you to stop using #AllLivesMatter. Alton Sterling is a part of the pie of humanity. Yes, every life matters when considered in light of the whole of humanity. But every life matters as an individual. When we respond to Alton Sterling and the accompanying #BlackLivesMatter movement by focusing on the whole pie, we diminish and erase the importance of the individual slice. When we say #AllLivesMatter, we forget that #BlackLivesMatterToo. The fourth slice and fifth slice have equal importance as individual slices. Alton Sterling is one slice of several billion. Alton Sterling’s slice matters. And Alton Sterling is black. And #BlackLivesMatter. To celebrate an individual slice of pie is not to forget the whole pie. In fact, when we celebrate the uniqueness of one slice, we simultaneously celebrate the pie as a whole. When we say "#BlackLivesMatter," we celebrate the uniqueness and individuality of the black slices in our pie. By doing so, we remind ourselves that the whole pie is beautiful and important and worth taking care of. But when we cover the individual by focusing on the whole, we kill the individual, and we kill the whole as well.
So please, I beg you, stop responding to #BlackLivesMatter by saying "#AllLivesMatter." Learn, as we all should, to celebrate the unique slices of our whole pie. Learn to celebrate David’s jawline. Seek to affirm your friend’s skin tone. And, above all, teach yourself that #BlackLivesMatter. Learn to celebrate the black slices of the pie of humanity. They are pie, but they are slices. Their stories are unique and different. What one slice goes through is not what the whole pie goes through. So, celebrate the slice. Don’t suppress it by highlighting the whole. Celebrate the individual, and you celebrate the whole. So, in light of Alton Sterling, remember that #BlackLivesMatter. When you say that, you aren’t saying others don’t matter. Every slice is important. But, right now, it’s the black slices that need to be reminded. So please, keep #AllLivesMatter to yourself because we all know that already. Celebrate the individuals around you for their uniqueness, be it their good hair, their jawline, their skin or their blackness. #BlackLivesMatter, so tell them.
#CelebrateTheSlice
