The law says we are adults the day we turn eighteen, but when do we become an adult in our parents’ eyes? When we move out of their house, become financially independent, or when we a family of our own?
The first summer home from college has been a tough transition between feeling totally independent (not talking financially..still working on that) and feeling suffocated by mom and dad’s rules. I miss being able to go out whenever and wherever I wanted. Not having to worry about coming home at a “reasonable hour” or asking for approval to leave the house.
I find it frustrating yet, funny when they use the line, “you’re 19 years old (cue open arms and confused face) you are too young for that, but later saying, “you’re 19 years old you can handle that”. Well which one is it? What can and can’t I do at 19 years old? I mean if I’m reppin' a bikini at 50 (most likely will let the rest of me go by then) you have the right to bring up my age, but until then, let's cool it with the age references.
Parents often use your age a weapon. Some days being 19 can work out in your favor and the next it can prevent you from doing the things you want to do. Maybe that is why I try to fire back by withholding my medical records from them, the little shred of power I have when it comes to my age. Sometimes it feels as if that is all the freedom I’m going to get. Truthfully it is silly, it is more inconvenient for me to do that because I don’t plan on taking on the responsibility of my “health” anytime soon. My mom may be scheduling my appointments and picking up my prescriptions until she is so senile she can no longer remember to do so, but for now I am going to stay stubborn and hold on to this “power”.
Yet with all that said, if I am being honest with myself, I do not always act like an adult. I think that is partially because I am still immature and not ready to take on certain responsibilities and also because having my parents set boundaries allows me to feel looked after and make the right decisions (most of the time). In Sandra Bullock 2010 Oscars acceptance speech she paid tribute to her late mother in a way that I believe sums up how most of us come to feel about our parents after some clarity stating, “I can take this moment to thank Helga B. for not letting me ride in cars with boys until I was 18 because she was right. I would've done what she said I was gonna do.”
In many parents’ eyes treating your child as an adult is almost like “letting go”. They have been our protectors for so long that they believe loosening their grip is as if they are letting go all together. Yet, treating me the way the law views me doesn’t mean you have to stop being my protector, it means I am now capable of protecting them too. It isn’t a guarantee that I won’t make mistakes, but it sure does help me from making more.
I’m not sure if my parents will see me as an adult anytime soon, or if over the years that grasp will loosen ever so slightly, but I hope it comforts them to know that reeling out some slack doesn’t mean we won’t continue to hold on to the line and swim back to them.
