This week, I wanted to share ten of my most incredibly personal poems yet. The stress of midterms, research, and tutoring has left me feeling overwhelmed, and like always, I turn to writing during emotionally overwhelming times like these, so these are fairly recent, written within the span of a week.

What makes this particular set different from the others I have published is that they feel even more personal and raw to me. Of course, every single poem I write is personal and raw, but these ten in particular just seemed to flow effortlessly from me, like a catharsis and of course, being the masochist I am, I just had to share:

1. Intrusive

they sneak to the front of my mind
like phantoms in the night
and their presence is cold
and heavy

they whisper of things that only the darkest
chambers of my heart dare to speak

but they are not what I want

not truly.

they speak of death and self destruction
but I cherish my flesh
I cherish it as one cherishes a fragile doll;
soft yet tight.

they dance all around me

whispering and shrieking all at once
it becomes disorienting
and I am falling

straight into their cruel embrace

but I fight them

fight them with all my life

because I cherish my life
even through the lens

of my broken mind,
it is still beautiful

even in the deepest melancholy

this is why they cannot win
they cannot

****

2. of violence and passion

of violence and passion,

I beg you to let my heart be still

for in you both

are unholy inhibitions

that flow endlessly

and recklessly

when unleashed;

I cannot bear to have

any more blood

on my flesh

the wounds are still fresh

of violence and passion

I beg to let me sleep tonight

cease the revolution

that continues to

claws at my chest

deep from within

I beg I beg

of violence and passion

please let me breathe

for it is hard to live

when your lungs

are full of endless

destruction

and heartache

for it is hard to live

when every violent

word wants to flow from my mouth

and reveal in all the horror it will leave

in its wake

****

3. Tender Strength

how can I still be tender

in a world that sought to make

me cruel?

how is it that I still manage

to love even when I feel

I have no more to give?

and

how did I get both blessed and cursed

with a tender strength that allows

me to keep living

even when I have killed myself

a thousand times ?

****

4. endlessly

it's stormy outside
and inside
but I still love you endlessly

We cry and scream
endless amounts
of battle cries
But I still love you endlessly

We tear and claw at each other
hoping to see each other
beneath the sins of our flesh
but it's a violence
a violent passion

But I still love you endlessly

I still love you endlessly

because even when we tear and cry
and thunder falls from our lips
and lightning passes through our eyes

the golden valleys of your eyes
and angelic allure of your voice
still manages to seduce me

And your smile still gives me
reason to rise from all the violence
against ourselves

Because I love you endlessly

***

5. Alive

sometimes I can't help but cry

for all my sins,
for all the wrong I have done

I cry I cry I cry

because it reminds me that I am still alive

even when I feel like the skin I am in is not my own

I am alive.

****

6. venom

venom drips from my lips-
it's filled with many hells
all my pains,
ally my unfulfilled desires;
it hangs off every word
I breathe - even in secret

****

7.resurrection

love has touched me
in ways that loneliness has
only ravaged

but when you feel both
it's like being killed
and resurrected one
thousand times
over.

****

8. apologize

I apologize for everything
because I feel that I take
up a space that someone
greater than myself
should occupy.

****

9. phantom

mental anguish,
softly, at first, creeps-
and then invades swiftly.

it is the worst kind of phantom,
the one that never leaves
even when the world is bright
and you smile
straight into the sun

***

10. catharsis

the sound of flesh
as I strip it bare
and cleanse it of all the demons
who suffocate me
nears that of ecstasy

rip

rip
rip

there goes another layer

another self that I
can no longer bear
to be attached to

they all crawl serpentine in agony - the flesh was how
they could breathe
all while stealing my breath

rip

rip

rip

I am free.