There is no definition as to what a casual relationship truly is and is not. The together-but-not-really-together ebb and flow is all a matter of personal taste, like buying a pair of jeans. Is the fit too loose or too constricting; is this pair built to last or is it a short-term wardrobe choice? Like jeans, relationships are not one-size-fits-all. I have made the choice to be in a casual relationship, one with no set rules or confines, but do not get it mixed up with an open relationship. We are committed, albeit committed-lite, to one another. We share everything normal, committed couples do, except there are no hard-set obligations to do so. There is a lot of breathing room, but if we want to hang out and miss each other, we do something about it. This might sound like we treat each other badly and we are wishy-washy, but that could not be further from the truth either. We share silly pictures with each other, share announcements about big news, vent when one of us is having a bad day, and we are not afraid to ask the other for help. Very early on, after deciding we were going to be casual, I took care of him when he caught a bad cold because he asked me to be there.
Another important way that our causal relationship is a part of the norm is that within the past two years of being with this person, I have grown. Looking back on our time as an item, although I use that term loosely, this relationship has actually taught me a lot about myself. And while it may not suit everyone (believe me, it’s tough sometimes not being defined as girlfriend and boyfriend), I have found there is plenty to like and appreciate because of how I have evolved for the better.
- Patience
- I need to stand up for myself more
- What I actually want in a relationship is different than what I thought I wanted
- When I love, I love HARD
In my casual relationship, there is no everyday back-and-forth conversation. We do not hold each other down to this, which is usually a standard in more traditional relationships. With that said, I have found out, and even my significant other has noticed, how patient I am. In our modern culture where immediacy and constant contact are king, I am able to relax because I want our communication to be open and free-flowing and not perceived as a rule or restriction (no one likes being on a short leash for anything). Compared to past boyfriends, I have never felt so calm. The pressure to keep the conversation burning has disappeared. When we do communicate, there is more meaning behind it.
With that said about my gift of patience, waiting on a response for hours and sometimes days for contact and never knowing when our next date will be, I know he walks all over me at times. My patience is vast, but it does have limits. We have had conversations about how completely disappearing on me is not cool and unacceptable if we are in a relationship, but I never push for a resolution. I do not like to rock the boat, and I know there are times that I should. I want my patience to be seen as is a gift, not a weakness.
Do not get me wrong: I have fallen in love with my “boyfriend” and we are happy together, but being with him has made me think about us on a long-term scale. Even though we started off this relationship as a casual, playful, sexy romance (levels beyond f—k buddies), I have found that I actually do want a little more consistency, deeper commitment, and taking this connection more seriously.
No matter what shades of being together we have gone through, I love him unconditionally. I am a die-hard believer that you may not always like your partner, but you will always love them. It is a characteristic about myself that I really admire. Even if we have not spoken in a few days, I have faith he is there for me if I really need him. For all the little things that may seem frustrating about our laid back approach, I love this person to pieces and not any less than if we were in a conventional relationship.
