Chances are, most of you have not been in a situation where you are in a brand new school without any friends since kindergarten. And it can be especially frightening when you are the only person from your high school attending the college, like I am, so there is no one you know at all! This is a guide dedicated to my friends and all of the new undergrads that will be starting their freshman year in just a few days or weeks. There are a lot of ways to make friends, so this focuses more on what NOT to do:
1. Do not fall back into the same cliques as high school.
Whether you were close with all 140 people in the music department during high school or you did not talk to anyone besides your 15 swimming teammates, that is fine. But do not assume that's where you will meet your new best friends in the same places. You will do a disservice to yourself if the only people you want to get to know are the same types of people that you hung out with before. First of all, to most high school grads, college is a way more diverse and exciting place, with more clubs, opportunities and interesting people than where you came from. Do not be afraid to show up to the first meeting of a club you have never gone to or a sport you have never tried and check it out. Finding people with similar interests in a group setting at clubs is a great way to meet new people and learn new things about yourself.
2. If you do not have anything nice to say, then…
This may seem obvious, but if you have ever seen "Orange is the New Black," you will know that you can get yourself in hot water by trying to make conversation by complaining or making fun of someone. During orientation, everyone is usually pretty nice in their attempt to make friends, but you still should be careful what you say around new people even once school starts. Your idea of a joke may be offensive to someone you do not know well. And please do not talk trash… Just don't. Your “annoying lab partner” might end up being your RA next year.
3. Be a courteous neighbor.
This is another “don't be a jerk” situation. I have heard so many horror stories of roommates who do not follow common good manners. You do not have to be best friends with everyone in your hall, but personally I have made really good friends with people from my freshman dorm. But if you are a bad roommate, you will most likely lose that chance. Stories travel fast, especially in small schools. All the sudden people you have never met will know you as the “the girl on my floor that leaves her hair in the sink” (gross) or “the a**hole that slams his door at 3 a.m.”
4. Form study groups.
Although in college there is barely any time to talk during class (if at all), you can still say hi to the person that sat down next you to and ask if they want to study for next week’s test together. It's college, not middle school, so asking someone for their number is not something to be nervous about. Most people live on campus in college, or at least study in the library, so it is easy to set up study and homework groups and get to know the people in your classes, especially if they are in your major and you will be seeing them again.
5. You do not have to settle.
Be yourself! There are hundreds to thousands of people you can make friends with at college. Friends are like relationships — sometimes it just does not work out, and that is okay. If someone is not treating you the way they should treat a friend or you feel like you have to act differently around them, then they are not worth your time. Just be yourself and you will find people you get along with, I promise!
6. Ditch social media for a little while.
Get out of the room and off the phone — your high school friends can wait if you are out to dinner with new people. Being on your phone constantly (although we all do it) is rude and gives others the impression that you are bored and do not really want to be there. Do not give them the wrong idea. Also, seeing your high school friends posting about how fantastic of a time they are having with their 35 new best friends might make you feel lonely if you are struggling. Sometimes it takes people until halfway through sophomore year to solidify a good group of friends, and that is okay. Remember, it is quality over quantity!
