You need to step back
And take time for yourself
That is how I am even able to give to others
Fill yourself first
Not out of selfishness
Out of necessity
--
This is a series of text messages that I sent to one of my best friends. Now before I go any further, I just want to acknowledge that she is easily one of the kindest individuals I have ever come across in my life. I appreciate our friendship for the sheer fact that we can be open and honest with each other about anything and advise each other whenever necessary. I think if there were enough hours in the day, she would probably dedicate her time to making sure you were okay, too.
Not only does she consistently go out of her way to make sure that each and every individual in her life is feeling cared for, but she tries to solve their problems and everything in between. While I admire her compassion for others, I must remind her that she must also be compassionate to herself and make sure she can also tackle her own battles. Oftentimes she puts her own needs on the back burner to tend to the rest of the world's issues.
I love her. I love how her kind soul becomes at ease knowing that everyone else is okay. But I also want her to understand that she must tend to her own garden before watering the plants of the neighbors. If she neglects her own source of goodness, how will she be able to provide for others if she is drained?
Being selfless is truly a virtue, but you must make the choice as to what length you will extend your arm out to others. There comes a point where your own mental and emotional wellness will suffer if you refuse to address the fact that you too deserve to be cared for, by yourself and by others. One of the most impactful realizations I have had is that it truly is not selfish to focus on yourself; I learned that in order for me to have such a selfless nature towards others, I must be in a mental and emotional state to provide that for them.
This is one of those lessons in life that I hope everyone has an opportunity to learn, as all too often I have seen people give so much of themselves to the point that they do not even recognize who they are. I am here to let you know that it is okay. As a mother, as a friend, as a student, as a brother, as anyone: fill your life up first and follow that by filling others.
You are not a bad person for allowing yourself to feel the same feeling that you try to provide for others. You are not selfish for loving yourself. You are important, and you deserve every ounce of love that you pour back into the world and to those around you.
